Female Orgasms – Addressing Women’s Sexuality

Women’s Sexuality

This morning my attention was drawn to a tweet someone shared on twitter about female orgasms. The original post had been retweeted by MissRavenRubies with a good dose of incredulity, understandably so.  The original tweet was from a (female) self-confessed sex researcher and educator, who stated “I don’t believe women have a sex drive – that does not mean that they are not sexual. Women’s responses are primarily emotional.”  Yes, she really did say that. She also said “Cunnilingus does not cause female orgasm. Partly because a woman is not aroused with a lover. But it’s also the wrong stimulation.” So according to her we (as women) can’t orgasm from just physical stimulation (not anywhere), we have to have some sort of emotional or psychological stimulation. And we cannot orgasm from oral because that is wrong stimulations. That may be the case for some women but for others it will not be even vaguely true.

female orgasms

This woman tweeted at Chris (QuietlyKinky) “So where are these women IN THE GENERAL POPULATION who can confirm all these beliefs? Why are they so silent?”  When many female sex bloggers responded to this explaining clearly that they DID orgasm from physical stimulation, etc. She responded not by engaging, and discussing these alternate experiences but by blocking everyone who disagreed with her. Yeah, she’s very “Open ears.”

Female Orgasms

I am going to talk very specifically about myself now, about MY orgasms, MY sexuality, how I come. Just because this is how I come doesn’t mean it is how YOU will come. We are all individuals, who will like different things, and that is totally okay. I am also a CIS woman so my point-of-view will be skewed in that direction.

I used to be quite self-conscious about my orgasms. An ex once described me orgasming as being caught in an earthquake, he also told me he’d never been with someone who orgasmed like me before. What I heard was; “you’re weird in the way you come, your orgasms aren’t normal.”  This made me really anxious about it for a long time. However, I realised that not all women have the same kind of orgasms, and one women can orgasm in many different ways. I should also say I come really easily, and I mean really easily, something I find quite funny because I am such a power queen when it comes to vibrations.

My Orgasms

For me I think there are three types of female orgasms THAT I HAVE;

  • Small clit orgasms – these tend to be the ones I have when I have having a quick speed wank, and just want to….let some steam out of the pot. These usually happen from direct clit stimulation, either the sucking of my Satisfyer Pro 2, or the vibrations of my Doxy or We-Vibe touch. My clit prefers a broader stimulation when it comes to vibrations, nothing too pin point. This type of orgasm usually happens very quickly, I don’t tend to have time to fantasise, it’s a 30-90 second thing.
  • Main orgasms – For me this is a sensation that comes in waves. I literally feel it roll in and crest, and roll in and crest, and roll in and crest, and…..well you get the idea. This is the sort of orgasm that if I am having penetrative sex with an actual cock the person attached will be able to feel me contracting around them. This is the earthquake sensation my ex described. I can do this for hours, at least 10 orgasms isn’t unusual for me. I can have this type of orgasm from both internal and external stimulation. Receiving oral sex generally gives me a combination of this type of orgasm and the small clit orgasms.
  • Squirting orgasms – These are the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced. Everything suddenly becomes very sharply focussed, and then goes very very floaty. When I have this type of orgasm, I become very sensitive to touch afterwards, almost painfully so. I also get very dry, all my natural lubrication disappears for about ten minutes. Squirting usually happens after all the other types of orgasms have happened, and afterwards I need at least ten minutes to ‘come back down’.  It is the closest I’ve ever come to passing out from an orgasm. Fucking amazing.

 

Female Sexuality

On her website the “sex researcher and educator” makes this statement:

The very first time I had sex I knew that something was up. I thought I knew what I could expect to happen. But I felt absolutely zip, zero, nothing. I almost couldn’t believe it. I had already been masturbating myself to orgasm for a year by that time. The two experiences had nothing in common. But over the following months and years, intercourse continued to be non-erotic. I felt like a prostitute acting out a mechanical part: just stimulating a man until he ejaculated. I concluded the whole thing was a hoax. I wasn’t the first woman to be disappointed by the reality of sex.

There is something very sad about this paragraph. I had initially dismissed her a crazy kook, who was peddling a harmful (religiously motivated) agenda. I still think she has an agenda, and I still think her form of ‘sex education’ is harmful, not just to women who will read it . But also to the men who will read it and believe that every woman they’ve had sex with was lying because there is no way they CAN be a good lover and give a woman an orgasm. I think the real tragedy here is that this woman knew how to make her body work but was unable to communicate that need to her sexual partner, and was therefore left disappointed and wanting.

In my experience (and maybe I’ve been very lucky) once you start verbalising to your sexual partner what you want or need, they will happily do their best to please you. Yes, I have had partners that weren’t interested and didn’t care about my pleasure but they were bad partners, there wasn’t anything wrong with me.

The lovely Dawn said this:

female orgasms

This made me start to wonder about the ‘sex educator’. Reading many articles on her site, especially ones about arousal and rape makes me wonder exactly what has happened in this woman’s life that has left her feeling like this. If she truly isn’t aroused by men, could she possibly be aroused by women, or (because she mentions finding all genitalia unarousing) could she be asexual?

Conclusion

A good sex educator needs to be willing to look at experiences other than their own, to give a balanced view on sexuality and sex. This woman seems to only be addressing a heteronormative personal experience and applying it to everyone. Because she couldn’t come using a vibrator, no woman can. because she can’t come from penetrative sex no woman can. Because she can’t come from oral sex no woman can. I have to wonder what exactly she can bring to the discussion.

Ladies however you are having sex, whether you are orgasming or not, if you are enjoying it then it is totally okay. Gents (and ladies) if you are concerned your woman isn’t enjoying sex as much as you’d like her to, talk to her, communicate, find out what else you could be doing. It’s good to ask

Elust #85 – The Community Round-Up

Elust 85 header
Photo courtesy of Cheeky Minx

Welcome to Elust #85

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #86 Start with the rules, come back September 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Use
Hot
The Case of the Purloined Panties

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Inspection Zone
Date with prey

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Voyeur

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Fiction

Alleyway
After Dark
Night World Flash Fiction
THE PUNISHMENT ROOMS
HELPLESS, BOUND AND SUBJECT – Part 1
Temper temper
How to Start Super Sex
Nobody Comes Looking For Me
it was time to play

Erotic Non-Fiction

Cunnilingus. The Most Special Intimate Kiss
Nastya is nasty
“Do you want to cum in my mouth?” A Memoir
Humiliation: Raylene’s caning 2

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Come as you are…
A Case for Good Men
Changing Labels
10 Commandments of Courteous Casual Sex
The Aftermath
I miss you

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Formative Kink: “Tanya, the Lotus Eater”
At his feet
Consent In Gorean Culture

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Manicured

 

ELust Site Badge

Printed Funsheet from Sheets of San Francisco

Sheets of San Francisco

A Fluid-proof, silk feel, flat, digitally printed Funsheet Throw. With its high quality engineered digitally printed, tactile surface, this beautiful throw featuring our unique Strap 3 design can be used to protect whatever is underneath from all the rough and tumble of your play whilst looking fantastic and feeling great. Use it in the bedroom, throw it over the sofa or even lay it on the floor, the choice is yours for this versatile throw.

  • Fluid Proof
  • Breathable
  • Digitally printed
  • Tactile
  • Machine Washable.
  • Seam Free.
  • Made in US

Printed funsheet
printed funsheet

Printed Funsheet Review

I’d been coveting one of these sheets since I first saw them at ETO last year (2015). If I remember correctly they didn’t have a stand that year, I think Mark was carrying around samples and chatting about them. They felt great and I was very curious about how well they would protect a bed from various sex related……spillages. ;D  I spent the next year pestering poor Mark at every opportunity, and by pestering I mean reminding him that I really wanted to review a printed funsheet if the opportunity arose. And at ETO this year I was fortunate enough to be given that chance. There is a definite possibility I hugged the bag with the sheet in a few times on my journey home. I was very excited about testing it.

printed funsheet

The Printed Funsheet Throw I received is made from 3-ply, engineered, silk feel, printed polyester/polyurethane fabric. It measures 55 x 83 inches. As you can see in the above photo it has a fabulous strap pattern printed on it. I really liked this as it was just a bit different from having plain black. It covered my double bed perfectly. It feels luxurious, thicker than a normal sheet but not as heavy as a blanket. It’s really soft and comfortable to lie on.  I did wonder how something that didn’t feel even a little bit ‘shiny’ could be waterproof but those fears were totally unfounded, as I realised when I tested it.

printed funsheet

Before first use I threw it in the washer, you don’t have to do this, I just have raging paranoia and wash everything before I use it. Then I used it a few times for sexy fun. I actually found it was quite cooling to lay on, which was welcome in this heat. My partner even managed to get me to squirt, and I admit a little part of me was still sceptical until I pulled it back and found the bed underneath was completely dry.

I threw it in the wash and hung it out dry. Not sure what the neighbours thought…….and I honestly don’t really care. Lol.

My next phase of testing was a little more messy, although maybe not quite as fun. I grabbed wax play candles, lube, massage oil, and a bottle of water. I laid the Printed Funsheet Throw out on my bed and allocated a square to each medium. Then I set about messing up the sheet.

printed funsheet printed funsheet printed funsheet printed funsheet

After messing it up, and taking the photos I flexed the sheet to get off the thick of the wax, then used a scraper on the stubborn patches. Which left the wax square looking like this:

printed funsheet printed funsheet

I didn’t do anything else to the other squares. And I didn’t add any extra cleaning stuff to the wax or other squares. I just gathered it up, and threw it in the washing machine with my usual washing detergent. Then I hung it on the line to dry, be careful pulling it out of the machine, you may get some water run off if you’re not.

The water, oil, and lube all washed out perfectly. Unfortunately the wax I used had left the sheet very faintly stained.

printed funsheet

I did worry I may have damaged to integrity of the waterproofing but I tested the area and it was still perfect. I kind of like the spotty pattern I’ve managed to create.

Overall

I loved this. It was worth the wait. Even though I have managed to stain it, it doesn’t affect it’s use, and it was something I could feedback to Sheets of San Francisco, so they know for future. If you want a soft feel, flexible, waterproof throw that can be easily machine washed look no further; the Printed FunSheet from Sheets of San Francisco is ideal.

 

If you’d like to see one of these fabulous sheets in person, Mark and the team will be at Sexhibition this weekend (19th-21st August). Stop by and say hi.

 

*I was given the Printed Funsheet Throw by Sheets of San Francisco in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

Pleasuring Him – Masturbation Monday Erotic Flash Fiction

Masturbation Monday #27

Welcome to this week’s #MasturbationMonday, Pleasuring Him. The inspiration was:

pleasuring him

Stimulation from every angle. How, when, where? Inquiring minds want to know…and nosy perverts, too. I’m both. ;)

Bloggers and authors – share your hottest scenes and posts. Feel free to use this week’s picture as a prompt but don’t feel obligated. Write what turns you on!

Readers – check out the different posts to find something that makes you want to get off.

 

Pleasuring Him

Kissing me he pulls me onto his lap, and I turn so I’m straddling his thighs. His hands are squeezing my breasts, and I can feel his cock growing under me. I kiss him hard, biting his lip as I push him down onto the bed. He moves to hold me again, and with a grin I push his hands away, moving them up, and curling his fingers around the bed frame. I kiss my way down his throat, and over his chest. Pleasuring him. I flick my tongue over a nipple before catching it between my teeth and sucking it. When he moans I bite down, tugging at the nipple. He sucks his breath in through his teeth, and I feel his cock twitch. I move to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment. I switch between them until he is writhing under me.

I slide backwards until I’m kneeling between his legs. Wrapping a hand around his cock, I lick up the shaft in a broad stroke. When I get to the helmet I slide my tongue around the edge, before slipping my lips over the head. I suck a few times, before I lick back down his shaft. He’s shaved, and his balls are smooth. I run my tongue over them, outlining the shape of each one. I kiss them, sucking lightly. I move down to his thighs; biting and sucking. When he’s moaning again I stand up, stepping back so I can slide off my knickers. Holding them in my hand I walk around the bed, and grinning at him I hold them to his lips. He opens his mouth wider and I push them in. Then keeping eye contact I reach into the drawer and pull out the harness and dildo we’d bought a few weeks ago. I hold them up to him, and he nods. Supporting myself against the wall I step into the harness, fitting the dildo into place, and tightening the straps.

I walk back to the end of the bed, a bottle of lube in my hand. I drizzle some over his cock, and he lifts his hips so I can squirt some between his cheeks. I squirt some more into my hands, and rub them together. I reach one hand down to slick up my dildo, and with the other I spread the lube further into his crack, letting a finger dip in and out of his hole. When I think he’s ready I stand straight, and look at him. His eyes meet mine, before flicking down over my body to where the purple dildo was hanging. A smile creases the edges of his mouth where it’s stretched around my knickers. Looking down at him I’m filled with a confidence I didn’t have before, and I slide my hand along my cock’s shaft, spreading the lube more. I climb back onto the bed, and kneel between his legs. His puckered hole glistening from the lube I applied.

I hold my cock, angling it as I move closer to him. I slowly slide it in, allowing my knees to fit under his arse, lifting him so I can slip deeper.  He moans and lifts his hips, pushing towards me. His cock twitches and I reach out to wrap my hand around it. I hold it gently, stroking slowly as I thrust in and out of his arse. Each time the tip rubs over that special spot his cock jerks in my hand. I open my legs slightly, dropping my hips back to angle my cock so it hits the right place with every thrust. Not just the tip but the ridges, every bump on the shaft rubbing against him. It doesn’t take long before he’s tensing, his cock jerking in my hand as ribbons of cum shoot over his stomach.

 

Hope you enjoyed my latest entry for Masturbation Monday, Pleasuring Him.  You can find more sexy stories by clicking the button below:

pleasuring him

Satisfyer Pro 2 Review – Not Your Usual Vibrator

Clitoral Stimulator

The Satisfyer Pro 2 gives women what they want, the power to enjoy intense and multiple orgasms in the palm of their hand. It uses pressure waves to create powerful and focused stimulation. The waves are focused on to the clitoris by the nozzle and pulse for a truly unique sensation. With innovative vacuum technology, this toy offers and a unique feeling that can be focused around and on the clitoris.

From Creative Conceptions

satisfyer pro 2

 

Satisfyer Pro 2

If you read my ETO 2016 round-up post you will know that I was lucky enough to come away from the show with the Satisfyer Pro 2. On the first day I was talking to Rhiannon from That’s The Spot, and she was raving about how amazing this product was, honestly she made it sound like the second coming (if you’ll pardon the pun). And this is a lady who I trust to know her sex toys, so myself, (and a few other reviewers in earshot) pretty much stampeded over to see Bradley on the Creative Conceptions stand. They were showcasing the Satisfyer Pro 2 on their stand, and it was great to handle it, and see what all the fuss was about. I found the best way to get an idea of how it feels is to use the pad of your thumb over the suction cup. I’ve actually used this method to demo it to a few people; Intimate Torment had a tester one at the last BBB (Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar), and I encouraged a few people to purchase it using the thumb pad example.

satisfyer pro 2

The box is simple and quite elegant looking; black with a picture of the toy, and the name. Inside the Satisfyer was nestled in moulded plastic with the charging cable, and the instruction booklet.  The main body of the toy is rose gold plastic, the buttons and suction cup are silicone. The shape is lovely and ergonomic, it feels nice in the hand and the buttons are perfectly situated so they are easy to use when the cup is on your clit.

satisfyer pro 2

I can’t review the Satisfyer Pro 2 without mentioning the Womaniser. I do have to preface this paragraph by saying I haven’t tried the Womaniser, other than playing with it in a shop. However, even with that small experience there are a few things that I am certain put the Satisfyer ahead. Firstly it is waterproof, not only does this mean it is great for bath/shower play but it also means it can be thoroughly cleaned. I know you can clean toys with a careful application of anti-bacterial toy cleaner and a soft cloth but I always worry about whether it is properly clean. Waterproof toys remove this concern because you can give toys a proper wash. Another reason I prefer the Satisfyer (apart from it having a better name) is that it is half the price of the Womaniser.

satisfyer pro 2

 

The Satisfyer Pro 2 charges via a magnetic USB charging cable, this means it can be charged using a laptop or wall charger. It has a two button operation, one to turn the power on and off, and the other to scroll through the suction strengths and patterns. For me there were two things missing from the box; a storage bag and a spare silicone head but at this price I can’t really complain.

satisfyer pro 2

Now we come to the difficult part of this review. Difficult because I really liked the Satisfyer Pro 2. I just want to rave about how amazing it is, and tell you to go buy it. Which you definitely should do but me doing that doesn’t really tell you much about how it feels. At first it feels weird….the beginning sensation (on the lightest setting) is like the feel of a tongue flicking. That soft gentle almost teasing touch. As you scroll up through the settings it feels more and more like a sucking sensation, which doesn’t sound that amazing but is so delicious that by the fourth setting I am writhing and gasping. I’ve also found the highest setting is too intense for me (and I can use a Doxy on max), the different sensation means I can’t take as much of it.

satisfyer pro 2

When trying the Satisfyer Pro 2 I found it was quite loud, however as soon as I had it in place over my clit the sound dropped a lot. And I would have no issues using this with other people in the house. Which brings me to positioning. I do have to wiggle it about a bit to find the right spot but once I do, I really REALLY do. It’s a bit of trial and error, I also realised that sometimes my clit likes to hide, so I will have it in place and then need to move it.

satisfyer pro 2

 

Overall

I loved the Satisfyer Pro 2. I’d only had it for a week before I decided it deserved a place in my “Top Five Sex Toys” list. It is amazing, and the closest thing to getting oral I have felt in a toy. At just £69.99 (RRP) it is a real bargain, an excellent investment, and a great addition to any toy box.

 

 

You can purchase the Satisfyer Pro 2 from Lovehoney, who are supplied by Creative Conceptions.

*I was given the Satisfyer Pro 2 by Creative Conceptions in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. This review contains one affiliate link to Lovehoney.