Elust #86 – The Community Round-Up

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Photo courtesy of Modesty Ablaze

Welcome to Elust 86

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #86 Start with the rules, come back October 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

On Self-Objectification

Female Orgasms – Addressing Women’s Sexuality

Migraine – A Sexual Spiritual Explanation

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Can You Train a Sub to Orgasm on Command?

Rupert Campbell-Black and me…

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Yes I’m a Sexblogger and No I don’t care about your dick

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

BUTTER FOR LUBE… Salted or Unsalted?
KOTW:Static on the line
Control Queen
Well, That Didn’t Go According to Plan

Writing about Writing

A BDSM Vignette from Two Viewpoints

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Sex Negative

Erotic Fiction

The Cure
sports

Erotic Non-Fiction

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT – with a twist
Iris
A Polyquad Squad Orgasm
Beautiful Birthday Fuck
Purpose of Tasks
Do You Trust Me
The meanings of “good girl”

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

How Long Is Enough
The Virgin. Unlocking Feminine Power.
The Other Day
Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
addressing doubts one step at a time
How D/s has taught me to stick up for myself

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Against All Odds

Poetry

Where I’m From

 

 

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Puzzle Pieces – Wicked Wednesday Personal Post

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 29th post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, Puzzle Pieces. You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

Puzzle pieces

Life is like a bunch of puzzle pieces that we are constantly trying to fit together to make the perfect puzzle.

Come share your sexy stories…

Image source

Puzzle Pieces

I’ve suffered from clinical depression and anxiety since I was 15.  My first incident only really lasted a few weeks, I didn’t need medication, just had some time off school to help me ‘get better’. My next episode was when I was 26, it was a pretty bad one.  It was mostly caused by a highly stressful job where nothing you did was appreciated and the HR department were constantly changing the rules on hours, and trying to move you around teams and departments. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. My GP signed me off, prescribed me some medication, and sent me to see a counsellor.  The time between those episodes (15-26 years) I felt like I developed as a person; I knew who I was, my character, what I liked, etc. The depression and anxiety stole those things from me, it turned me into a person I didn’t recognize.

I felt like I had all these pieces of my personality but I didn’t know how they fit together any more. Quite often they didn’t feel like they did. They were random dots of me but spread out all over, like puzzle pieces scattered over a table. But before I could fix myself I needed to find the corners, to “look for the blue bits” (quote from Man Up film). Each time I thought I’d found one something would happen and it would drift away. Then a few months ago things came to a head in an unexpected way. Something I thought was good turned out to actually be toxic, after I got over the shock I found out a few new things about myself. And in finding those things I found the corners, I pieced together the edges. The puzzle pieces started slotting into place.

I found my way back to my spiritual beliefs. When my depression and anxiety got really bad I lost my way, drifted away from the path. Even though when asked I would still say I followed an earth based religion I’d stopped practising. I’d packed most of my stuff away, sold all my books. And now I’m coming out of the depression again, I feel more like the old me, the me I was when I was early 20s full of curiosity, and confidence, I knew who I was and what I believed. I’m starting to feel like that again.

Funnily enough as that feeling started returning I found the box with all my things in. I got out my tarot cards, rune stones, and altar totems, and they felt comfortable in my hands. Around the same time a few people came into my life who were also ‘involved’ in Earth based religions. It’s strange how the universe moves things together. 🙂
I’m feeling so good at the moment. I’m down to smallest dose of my antidepressants once every three days, hopefully should be off them completely soon. It’s taken a long time but I feel like I’m finally crawling out of a deep dark hole. I know I’ll still have bad days, and maybe in the future the black dog will come back but right now I feel like I’m ‘winning the battle’. ☺

 

 

For more Wicked Wednesday entries click the button below:puzzle pieces

Sleepy Sex Memory – Masturbation Monday Erotic Flash Fiction

Masturbation Monday #28

Welcome to this week’s #MasturbationMonday, Sleepy Sex Memory. The inspiration was:

Sleepy Sex Memory

I’ve been in a very similar state many times over the years. A sleepy, dream-like wank will wake you up or help you sleep. Either way, it feels pretty damn good!

Bloggers and authors – share your hottest scenes and posts. Feel free to use this week’s picture as a prompt but don’t feel obligated. Write what turns you on!

Readers – check out the different posts to find something that makes you want to get off.

 

Sleepy Sex Memory

I wake quickly, something jarring me from sleep and I moan. I’m not ready to wake up, I was having such a good dream. Half asleep I reach out, stretching my arm down to the floor next to the bed. I flick the switch on the plug socket, and then feel around until my hand closes on the handle of my Doxy. I pull it up, and slide it under my body, settling it against my outer lips and turning it on to its lowest setting. In my dream I remember flirting shamelessly with the hot tattooed barista from my local coffee shop. I’d made my intentions clear when I’d slipped him my address, telling him he should come over after work.

I answered the door in my sexiest underwear, and he’d paused in the doorway, his gaze travelling up and down my body as he smiled at me. His smile had turned into a wolfish grin, when he saw my bedroom. The walls were a pale purple, the carpet a deep emerald green, my double frame bed was covered with slate grey bedding but it was what I had on the walls that was making him grin. Prints of men and women, mostly naked; some bound with rope, some suspended, some on their knees chained, gagged. And hanging from hooks between the prints whips, paddles, floggers, handcuffs, rope, there were even a few canes.

He’d walked along the wall inspecting the prints, stroking the toys before turning to me. “Do you use these?”
I smile and nod, “Of course I use them.”
He pauses before asking, “Give or take?”
A laugh escapes me, “Both. Either. Depends on the situation.”
He turns to me, my suede flogger in his hands running the strips through his fingers. His voice is almost a whisper when he asks, “This situation?”
The question is clear, and the way he asked sent shivers through me. I think for a minute, taking in his arms and shoulders, the way his skin is taut over bulging muscle. My mind drifts, and my skin breaks out in goosebumps, “Take.” My voice is strong, confident, and he smiles at me.
“Good answer.” He waves a hand toward the foot rail of the bed, “Would you like to assume the position?”

I grab a few pillows, creating a comfortable pile to support me, and then I bend over the rail. It’s at the perfect height for me, and with the pillows as a bolster, I could stand here for hours. I hear him taking things off the wall, I’m tempted to look but I don’t. He seems to have made his decision, and I wait for the first blow, instead he steps around the side of the bed, I look up at him, not sure what he needs.
“Traffic light system, red means stop. That okay with you?” I hadn’t even thought of that, and the fact that he had made me feel safe. I nod.

He steps back out of view, and when I tense expecting the first blow he reminds me to breathe, and relax. His first stroke hits I’m surprised that it’s his hand, he starts off slowly, spanking each cheek in turn with firm thuds. Every so often he will pause stroking the warming cheeks of my arse with his hand.  He switches to a paddle, and sets up a rapid rhythm, he’s using a lighter paddle and the sensation is more stingy than his hand was. When I wiggle after a smack, he asks “Traffic light?”
“Green” I grin at the bed as I hear a click and the paddle comes down again, he’s added to it and the change in sensation is more thuddy. It thunks against my arse, sending a shudder of heat through me.

 

…To be continued

 

 

Hope you enjoyed my latest entry for Masturbation Monday, Sleepy Sex Memory.  You can find more sexy stories by clicking the button below:

Sleepy Sex Memory

 

Sexhibition 2016 – Manchester’s Erotic Event of the Year

Event Write-Up

Sexhibition 2016 was the Erotic Event of the year, held in Manchester. This year’s event took place at the prestigious Victoria Warehouse venue, from the 19th to the 21st of August.

Shows, performances, music, workshops & classes, cocktails & cuisine and a unique shopping experience. It’s a feast for all the senses in the opulent surroundings of the North’s most prestigious event and exhibition spaces. Sexhibition brings together elements of sex, erotica, burlesque and fetish, and combines it with live music, DJ sets, burlesque, cabaret, and performance art in an inclusive and sex positive environment. The ultimate in decadence and debauchery, Sexhibition is a fully immersive experience not to be missed.

Made up of a number of distinct yet complementary events allowing you to pick and choose a selection of activities, Sexhibition allows you to truly define your own bespoke experience.

Sexhibition 2016

sexhibition 2016

I honestly can’t believe it’s already been three weeks since I was at Sexhibition 2016 in Manchester. I have no idea where the time has gone.  This was the second year of Sexhibition, the first year had been a fun experience with a few minor teething troubles, mostly venue issues. Rather than addressing the issues from the previous year, the Sexhibition team decided to change the venue. Slightly annoying that they didn’t announce this until quite late (which meant I’d already booked a non-refundable hotel near the original location). Slightly frustrating but I hoped it would be for the best. If the new venue was better than event city, then it would be worth the travel time.

The Weekend

I arrived on the Friday, and went straight to check into my hotel and get my glad-rags on. I was attending the dinner and awards show, and due to the distance of my hotel I wouldn’t have time to go back and change, so I decided to spend the afternoon in my nice dress. After some slight issues with taxis, I arrived at the Victoria Warehouse. I stopped to collect my lanyard and Press Pass, and wandered off to find the entrance. I say wandered because it wasn’t obvious where I needed to be. They could have done with a few more signs to direct people. Not to mention a few more signs in general so people knew they were in the right place, from the outside it was hard to tell we were arriving at Sexhibition 2016.

I found my way inside, and headed to the bar, only to find they were operating a cashless system so I had to go back outside (in the rain) to buy some tokens. Drinks were expensive, more like London prices than Manchester, I was paying 2.5 tokens (£5) for a lager (bottle or pint). Needless to say I did not drink much at the venue.  I understand that one of the big problems the previous year had been people having to queue at the bar for up to an hour but that’s because that venue only had one or two bars, the new venue had four, six if you count the two in the hotel section. The tokens were not needed, and just made things more difficult.

Armed with my drink I went exploring. I meandered around the main floor, and headed upstairs. I wanted to say hi to a few companies I knew were attending but I got completely confused because I couldn’t find them. In the end I went back to the entrance and was given an A4 program (would it really have been so difficult to make it A5 so it fit in people’s bags or pockets more easily?) which contained vendor listings and a map. Looking at this map I realised I had missed out a big section because there was no signposting, or indication that there was anything in that section (apart from the toilets), even a big arrow painted on the floor would have caused me to walk in that direction.  Luckily I found everyone I wanted to speak to, and managed to chat more than once over the weekend.

The first show I saw was Alix Fox‘s Tip-A-De-DooDah, this was the introductory show held on the main stage on Friday evening.  This was a great and fun interactive information session. People joining in were having lots of fun, and really enjoying taking part. It was held on the main stage and seemed to get good foot traffic from people wandering the stands and deciding to stop to watch. After the show I had another good look around, making sure to check all the nooks and crannies to be certain I hadn’t missed any stands.

After this I headed over to the hotel so I could check out the dinner and awards show. I was supposed to have tickets for the dinner but due to a few security mix ups I ended up missing the dinner. After that I stayed for a short while, chatting to friends in the bar before deciding to head back to my hotel so I could have eat…..and got stuck in football traffic. At least next year I will be able to book the hotel close to the venue so even if it does fall on a match day I can easily walk back to my hotel with no worries about traffic.

The only downside to being so thorough in my Sexhibition 2016 walk-around on Friday (I had a few hours to kill before the awards) was I had no idea what I was going to do all day Saturday, there were a few talks I’d have liked to see but it was throwing it down and I really didn’t want to walk over to the hotel (and get wet through) to see them. So I went over to see Mark on the SheetsofSF stand, I figured at least he had somewhere comfy to sit. lol. Turned out he needed an extra hand due to one of his staff having a personal issue, so I happily stuck around. I had so much fun. It really made it a great weekend for me. I still got chance to go and talk to vendors, and in between I had a place to hang out. Also got to spend time with Jacqui and we were chatting up a storm, she is a fabulous lady who I am really glad I got to meet, and am looking forward to seeing again.

All About the People

It was great to say hi to people; some of whom I hadn’t seen since ETO, some I’d only talked to online before, and some completely new. For me it is the people I meet and talk to who make weekends like Sexhibition 2016 worth attending.  I spoke to a number of vendors over the weekend:

  • Kinkcraft – Always lovely to see (and chat to) Pixie, Andrew, and Kate. Unusually their stand was fairly quiet but this was great for me as it meant we could have a nice long chat.
  • The Bondage Man – I see these lovely people at the BBB every month. But I had been saving to make a purchase and I bought one of their fabulous wax play kits and a gorgeous wooden wax scraping knife. It was nice to get to chat to them, and find out their thoughts on the event.
  • SmutUK – I don’t often get to see Victoria and Kevin, the team behind Smut UK so it was nice to catch up and say hi. They had various authors doing readings over the weekend.
  • Kinky Monkey – Despite seeing this fabulous lady at the BBB every month I rarely get the chance to chat. Had a fabulous talk with her about different types of harnesses, and dildos, and how they differ in use. It was really great to be able discuss it with someone who is so knowledgeable.
  • Sheets of San Francisco – I spent most of Saturday hanging out with Mark and Jacqui, working on the SheetsofSF stand. I had so much fun chatting to people about easy messy sex clean up, and bouncing on the bed, while asking people to come and stroke our sheets.
  • KnickerRockerGlory – I’ve been talking to the lovely Ruby online for a while now, after a very brief meeting at ETO (think I managed to say hi) this was finally my chance to have a proper chat. It was lovely to be able to talk, and to meet Paul. I have to say they both looked fabulous in their matching KRG ‘bowling’ shirts.
  • The Kinksters – I missed their stand at ETO, so it was great to have the opportunity to play with their bath tub of Slube. I chatted to both Danny and Dave over the weekend, and they were lovely.
  • Yummy Gummy – I love Becky from Yummy Gummy, she is really lovely, very sweet, and just so enthusiastic. I chat to her at BBB every month, so it was really good to see her exhibiting here.
  • JedPhoenix – It was lovely to meet Jed and Polly while I was chatting on the Kinkcraft stand. I hadn’t seen them before but I LOVE their style and range. I will be watching them with interest.

I also chatted to lots of bloggers, writers, and members of the public. It was fantastic to see some people again, and to meet online friends in person for the first time, was also lovely to meet lots of new friends.

Overall

Despite there still being issues to work on for next year, and  my having concerns about the footfall (there really didn’t seem to be many people in attendance) I think Sexhibition 2016 was a great event. I’m looking forward to next year, and seeing how they can develop things.  I think it was more difficult for some vendors because of placement, and I think this would need to be addressed (maybe in terms of pricing for stands) before next year if Sexhibition are hoping to get people to come back. I spoke to more than a few vendors who were feeling a bit disillusioned with how things had been run. There was also a communication problem between organisers and venue staff which caused a few issues.  I really do think that many of these issues are just continued teething troubles, and as long as the organisers work to address them next year’s event will be bigger and better than ever.

*I was given a Press Pass for the event by the Sexhibition team in return for an honest and unbiased write-up.

 

Female Orgasms – Addressing Women’s Sexuality

Women’s Sexuality

This morning my attention was drawn to a tweet someone shared on twitter about female orgasms. The original post had been retweeted by MissRavenRubies with a good dose of incredulity, understandably so.  The original tweet was from a (female) self-confessed sex researcher and educator, who stated “I don’t believe women have a sex drive – that does not mean that they are not sexual. Women’s responses are primarily emotional.”  Yes, she really did say that. She also said “Cunnilingus does not cause female orgasm. Partly because a woman is not aroused with a lover. But it’s also the wrong stimulation.” So according to her we (as women) can’t orgasm from just physical stimulation (not anywhere), we have to have some sort of emotional or psychological stimulation. And we cannot orgasm from oral because that is wrong stimulations. That may be the case for some women but for others it will not be even vaguely true.

female orgasms

This woman tweeted at Chris (QuietlyKinky) “So where are these women IN THE GENERAL POPULATION who can confirm all these beliefs? Why are they so silent?”  When many female sex bloggers responded to this explaining clearly that they DID orgasm from physical stimulation, etc. She responded not by engaging, and discussing these alternate experiences but by blocking everyone who disagreed with her. Yeah, she’s very “Open ears.”

Female Orgasms

I am going to talk very specifically about myself now, about MY orgasms, MY sexuality, how I come. Just because this is how I come doesn’t mean it is how YOU will come. We are all individuals, who will like different things, and that is totally okay. I am also a CIS woman so my point-of-view will be skewed in that direction.

I used to be quite self-conscious about my orgasms. An ex once described me orgasming as being caught in an earthquake, he also told me he’d never been with someone who orgasmed like me before. What I heard was; “you’re weird in the way you come, your orgasms aren’t normal.”  This made me really anxious about it for a long time. However, I realised that not all women have the same kind of orgasms, and one women can orgasm in many different ways. I should also say I come really easily, and I mean really easily, something I find quite funny because I am such a power queen when it comes to vibrations.

My Orgasms

For me I think there are three types of female orgasms THAT I HAVE;

  • Small clit orgasms – these tend to be the ones I have when I have having a quick speed wank, and just want to….let some steam out of the pot. These usually happen from direct clit stimulation, either the sucking of my Satisfyer Pro 2, or the vibrations of my Doxy or We-Vibe touch. My clit prefers a broader stimulation when it comes to vibrations, nothing too pin point. This type of orgasm usually happens very quickly, I don’t tend to have time to fantasise, it’s a 30-90 second thing.
  • Main orgasms – For me this is a sensation that comes in waves. I literally feel it roll in and crest, and roll in and crest, and roll in and crest, and…..well you get the idea. This is the sort of orgasm that if I am having penetrative sex with an actual cock the person attached will be able to feel me contracting around them. This is the earthquake sensation my ex described. I can do this for hours, at least 10 orgasms isn’t unusual for me. I can have this type of orgasm from both internal and external stimulation. Receiving oral sex generally gives me a combination of this type of orgasm and the small clit orgasms.
  • Squirting orgasms – These are the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced. Everything suddenly becomes very sharply focussed, and then goes very very floaty. When I have this type of orgasm, I become very sensitive to touch afterwards, almost painfully so. I also get very dry, all my natural lubrication disappears for about ten minutes. Squirting usually happens after all the other types of orgasms have happened, and afterwards I need at least ten minutes to ‘come back down’.  It is the closest I’ve ever come to passing out from an orgasm. Fucking amazing.

 

Female Sexuality

On her website the “sex researcher and educator” makes this statement:

The very first time I had sex I knew that something was up. I thought I knew what I could expect to happen. But I felt absolutely zip, zero, nothing. I almost couldn’t believe it. I had already been masturbating myself to orgasm for a year by that time. The two experiences had nothing in common. But over the following months and years, intercourse continued to be non-erotic. I felt like a prostitute acting out a mechanical part: just stimulating a man until he ejaculated. I concluded the whole thing was a hoax. I wasn’t the first woman to be disappointed by the reality of sex.

There is something very sad about this paragraph. I had initially dismissed her a crazy kook, who was peddling a harmful (religiously motivated) agenda. I still think she has an agenda, and I still think her form of ‘sex education’ is harmful, not just to women who will read it . But also to the men who will read it and believe that every woman they’ve had sex with was lying because there is no way they CAN be a good lover and give a woman an orgasm. I think the real tragedy here is that this woman knew how to make her body work but was unable to communicate that need to her sexual partner, and was therefore left disappointed and wanting.

In my experience (and maybe I’ve been very lucky) once you start verbalising to your sexual partner what you want or need, they will happily do their best to please you. Yes, I have had partners that weren’t interested and didn’t care about my pleasure but they were bad partners, there wasn’t anything wrong with me.

The lovely Dawn said this:

female orgasms

This made me start to wonder about the ‘sex educator’. Reading many articles on her site, especially ones about arousal and rape makes me wonder exactly what has happened in this woman’s life that has left her feeling like this. If she truly isn’t aroused by men, could she possibly be aroused by women, or (because she mentions finding all genitalia unarousing) could she be asexual?

Conclusion

A good sex educator needs to be willing to look at experiences other than their own, to give a balanced view on sexuality and sex. This woman seems to only be addressing a heteronormative personal experience and applying it to everyone. Because she couldn’t come using a vibrator, no woman can. because she can’t come from penetrative sex no woman can. Because she can’t come from oral sex no woman can. I have to wonder what exactly she can bring to the discussion.

Ladies however you are having sex, whether you are orgasming or not, if you are enjoying it then it is totally okay. Gents (and ladies) if you are concerned your woman isn’t enjoying sex as much as you’d like her to, talk to her, communicate, find out what else you could be doing. It’s good to ask