Sex with No Strings

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Online dating started in the 90’s but in the last ten years it has blossomed with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. However, sometimes I’m just not looking for a relationship, sometimes I just really want sex, which is when a company like Sex With No Strings is invaluable.

sex with no strings

Sex with No Strings

More people are into casual dating these days than ever before; partially due to all the different dating sites we can choose from online. This culture of hooking up with partners for fun or even brief moments of companionship is now more prevalent and people are really liking the convenience of it all. You can just go online and message people for a good time; and as long as you’re using the right site there is no reason why you can’t be successful at it. The only important thing is to make sure you and your partner set some sort of rules to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Casual dating – how to set your rules

So why should you need to set rules? It feels like a straight forwards deal: you meet up, you have a drink or two and then if all goes well you take this party somewhere else… But the reality is that we all have different preferences, especially when it comes to sex. What one enjoys doing is another one’s pet peeve, so it is important that the two of you communicate with each other. This is the big word which is at the centre of all this article: communication. Because without the saying the most basic things first; a casual encounter can go from good to being an absolute disaster.

So when do you start talking about those ‘rules’? It seems a bit dry and functional to chat people up online, only to break the conversation and say: ‘’okay, I want this but I don’t want that…’’ You’ve barely met and you’re already ordering them around, telling them what to do. The best thing is probably just to start chatting first so you can discover each other a little better. Instead of making it sound like you’re establishing rules, you can start by talking about what you enjoy doing and what you don’t like to do in bed. Then you can ask that person what they think, what they like to do. Make it part of a natural conversation rather than just being bossy; it will encourage natural communication and the two of you will be better off for it.

Rules, plans, guidelines… all those things fall into the same category when meeting someone for casual sex. It’s basically that awkward conversation you need to have before you get started. So one of the main things about sex with no strings is that some people assume it’s going to be the case of meeting / having a drink / running to the next hotel room available. However you can’t take that for granted, especially if you’re new to the whole concept of sex dating. So you’re best off having a conversation about: ‘’Hypothetically if we take this further, how would we go about it?”. Leave no stones unturned, talk about the general aspects and the details. Start with ‘where’, go to ‘what’, then move on to ‘how’.

Where: where will you go if you’re going to have sex? A hotel room? Which hotel? How much can you both afford to spend in a hotel room? Are there other alternatives? The bottom line is that location cost money, but at the same time you want to be in a room where the two of you stand on equal grounds (i.e. not your house or their house).

What: what will you do in bed? Will you sit down, talk dirty and get each other excited? Will it be full sex or just playful touch? Will it be gentle or rough? What should be done and not be done? A lot of questions, but it is worth talking about so either of you doesn’t sign up without knowing what the encounter will actually entail.

How: Who pays for the hotel room. How do you transport yourself there, maybe a taxi? Who brings the condoms, what else do you need to bring to make the encounter more comfortable and more fun? How many gadgets, toys and lubricants of sorts should you bring? Should you establish some sort of safe word in case things get too rough for either one of you? What about discretion? Do you both want to keep your escapade(s) as a secret? If so how do you go about that? Basically, it’s all in the details…

So you get the idea, and there is no way a short article could cover all the details involved in the logistics of adult dating and hooking up. But the baseline principle of communication and setting rules shouldn’t be too difficult to get your head around. Sure you’ll be feeling a little (a lot) excited when you’re going through the process of meeting a potential naughty partner, but preparing as much of it as possible in advance will give you a chance to really make the most of that encounter. As they say: ‘failing to prepare is like preparing to fail’; and no one wants to fail at something that is fun and feels so good when it’s done right.



You can read about MY dating experiences here.

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with Sex With No Strings.



My Sex Hookups – Sponsored Guest Blog

Sponsored Post

Online dating started in the 90’s but in the last ten years it has blossomed with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. However, sometimes I’m just not looking for a relationship, sometimes I just really want sex, which is when a company like My Sex Hookups is invaluable.

my sex hookups

My Sex Hookups

My Sex Hookups are an online ‘dating’ company specialising in sex connections. Sex dating can really awaken your inner tiger and roll the years back. Sex dates force you out of your comfort zone and really tap into your inner animal. Thousands of years ago humans didn’t play the social dating games we play now? If there was mutual attraction, they simply had sex! Nowadays we insist on playing games and beating around the bush. Not at MySexHookups! Sex dates are fun because you know what you’re going to get at the end of it. There’s no confusion about why you are both there!

Your online dating profile, and why it should be your own

We all know Google can be our best friend, especially when it comes to finding things out. How to create a CV, how to write a covering letter… those are amongst the many things that we can look up when we don’t know what to write. It is great that we can get access to pre-made templates, letting us to fill the blanks, but that doesn’t always lead to creating something that is really personal. This is definitely the case with online dating profiles: sure you can pick up a template that everyone uses, but how exactly will this make you stand out of the crowd? Maybe it is time you do it all by yourself…

A profile is personal

The first thing, which might sound obvious, is that your dating profile should be about you, not someone else. It is not just the points that are being made but also how they are written. If you usually speak in a certain way, one can expect your writings to reflect you particular tone. So if you’re using something that someone else has written; it won’t sound like you no matter how you move the words around. Okay but a general profile means more mass appeal right? Well not exactly, those things don’t really work that way. Think about it, if everyone is writing the same thing, how to you get to distinguish between the different people. Surely not everyone is the same, and you actually want to find out who they really are. Also, a pre-made profile won’t really adapt to your needs; whether you are looking for a serious partner on Eharmony or you just want women seeking sex on My Sex Hookups or other adult dating sites.

Wrong expectations

Let’s say your language isn’t that good but your profile description is that of a scholar. People who read your profile will have certain expectations, only to be let down once they actually meet you. Consider it false advertising; it might not be intentional but people will feel like they’ve been deceived. This is not a good way to start a date; whether you’re looking for a relationship or even just a bit of adult fun. It’s not that you’re directly lying, but it can be interpreted that way. Using someone else’s pre-made template might not portray who you are and it could actually feel like you are trying to deceive people.

Templates are boring

If you’ve spent any time reading through people’s CV’s, you will appreciate that going through a whole bunch of similar sounding ones is just boring. Ultimately you’re more likely to pick up the one that stands out of the crowd. It is exactly the same thing with dating profiles. Sure the picture does play an important role in differentiating between people; but the description is ultimately the best indicator of potential compatibility. If people all sound the same, you’re only left with not much of a choice. If you want your profile to stand up, forget about how other people do it, just do it in your own way. Use your words, talk about what you think is relevant. If it really doesn’t work, you can always change and edit things until you get a good sense of what works for you.

The picture is important

As mentioned above, your profile picture will be your first distinctive feature. Of course you will want to use your best pic, but that is no good if that picture was taken ten years ago. The picture looks good okay, but your date will figure it out once they meet with you face-to-face. Your best bet if you can’t find a good recent picture of yourself is simply to get one done. Use your selfie camera, or better yet get a friend to take some pictures of you. Just dress how you usually dress, just make sure you’re happy with the photo. As long as it represents you well, then the only thing you can do is wait for people to get back to you if they find you attractive. Patience always works out in the end



You can read about my dating experiences here.

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with My Sex Hookups.

Online Dating

Personal Article

It’s been a while since I wrote this type of personal article. Online dating began in the 90’s, but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

online dating

Online Dating

Usually when I chat to someone from a dating site I have to explain the whole non-monogamous, bisexual thing. It often surprises me how often people actually ask me what I mean. For me they are mainstream terms, and reasonably self-explanatory so it confuses me when people ask me to explain them. The conversation generally goes downhill from there. I used to have it on my profile but it caused more issues than it solved. It was much easier to chat to someone, and once I was comfortable enough to arrange a meet up mention it. The reactions vary quite a bit from the guys who immediately ask if that means we can have a threesome, the women who ask if I’m just experimenting with lesbian sex, and the horrifying ones who tell me I’m going to hell before they block me.

I have had a few good responses; one guy who was relieved because he was the same, and he was happy he didn’t have to explain it. We went out for a few months but we realised it wasn’t going to work out, despite some similarities we ultimately wanted different things, and the chemistry just wasn’t there in the bedroom. We lost touch after that. There was a girl who was happy for me to date men while seeing her but would rather I didn’t see any other women. That was okay with me too but she ended up not being able to deal with it in the end…which I totally get, non-monogamy isn’t for everyone. There was a stream of people I kind of felt were just dating me so they could tick me off some sort of bucket list, they were all an interesting experience.

I can’t remember at what point I got fed up of trying to explain it to people, and decided to just not mention it until I’d been on at least one date with someone. See if we clicked in person, and had chemistry before I told them. It’s funny how much it changed my online dating experience. I had a really great first date with a guy, we’d really clicked online and got on really well. He was older than me but only by five years, and he was just kind of adorable in the things he would say. I’d had a few bad experiences so I decided I wasn’t going to sleep with him on the first date. I was hoping if I took sex off the table things might go better.

We planned a fab day time date, something that appealed to the geek in both of us. We met at the cinema and went to see a new comic book film. We had really great chemistry, and when he took my hand in the cinema it felt totally natural. After the cinema, we headed off to a pub for a late lunch. Four hours later we were still chatting, laughing, and kissing in the hidden booth at the back of the pub. We ended up going to another couple of pubs, I’d switched to soda at some point because I didn’t want to get drunk. I was having too much fun. We’d been out all day together. It was about 9pm, we were walking between pubs, and he was talking about checking his train times so he could get home. I casually asked if his return ticket was open, when he said yes, I told him he could come home with me if he wanted. He actually stumbled as my words hit him. I have to admit that made me smile a lot.

We had one last drink, and then headed back to mine. My housemates were in the living room when we got in so I felt I had to do a quick intro before heading up to my room. I put on a film, and we snuggled up on my bed to watch it. We continued the touching, stroking and kissing that had been started in the pub but because we had privacy we were able to start taking off layers, and getting naked. Afterwards we cuddled up and he fell asleep stroking my hair. The next morning, we had some more fun together and then we got to chatting. As I talked about various things, little bits of doubt started creeping in. He was a monogamous guy, which is totally cool but seemed to think I would become monogamous when I met the right guy. There were a few other little things that gave me pause, and I ended up deciding not to see him again. He was a really nice guy; very sweet, caring, considerate, and the sex was really good. We just weren’t right for each other.

When you’re online dating it’s quite hard to be bisexual, non-monogamous and kinky using ‘regular’ (or vanilla) dating apps. Even more so when you houseshare, and feel awkward bringing people home on the first date. Which is why websites like SwingTowns are such a great idea, they take a lot of the worry out of online dating for people like me, people who society seems to consider the weird people of the dating world.


You can read more of my dating tales here.



**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.



Hard Questions – Wicked Wednesday

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 22nd post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, Hard Questions. You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

hard questionsAre there something you want to ask, or someone you want to ask something? Or maybe someone has asked you a question and you want to answer it? This is the week to share your questions… and answers.

Hard Questions

Most people would tell you I’m pretty open. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and if I’m feeling something I will tell you. If I say I miss you, it is because I really do miss you. Sometimes the open book is a good thing…sometimes it isn’t. Because when people always think they know what you’re feeling by your actions, reactions, and the expression on your face it’s gets easy to fool them into seeing what you want them to see. I am very skilled at putting on a brave face.

You may be wondering what all that has to do with the hard questions. Well when it really matters, when my emotions are on the line, that’s where I put on my brave face; I don’t ask the hard questions, and I certainly don’t answer them… least not completely honestly. This comes under the same category as not letting them see you hurt. I don’t tend to do that. If you’ve seen me cry (when it wasn’t at a book, film, etc), then I must have really been at some sort of breaking point, right at my limits because that’s the only way the brave face cracks.

So what are these hard questions; Do you like me? Do you love me? Do you want to go out with me? What’s wrong? What does that mean? Where did it go wrong?

And the answers that scare me the most: Yes, no, everything, nothing, I can’t tell you, I can’t tell YOU, I don’t know, maybe.  Any answer to those questions scares me. Because experience has taught me that my answering, and my asking have serious negative consequences. They won’t lead to good things, and even if they do it won’t last.

So until someone is willing to scale the walls I’ve built, and slay the demons I’m hiding, I’ll just smile and nod, and say I’m okay because that’s what I do. Maybe someday someone will be worthy, will think I’m worth it, will tell me what I need to hear so that I can fight through, and start to believe. And maybe they won’t but either way I won’t let them see me cry. This song seems to fit what I’m trying to say.


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hard questions

Valentine Day – Personal Post I Hate Valentine’s Day

Personal Post

I hate Valentine Day, hate it with a passion. It has nothing to do with being single, I hate it all the time. Always have. It is complete and utter commercial clap-trap.

valentine day

The price of chocolate, flowers, etc all goes up. It’s impossible to get a table at a decent restaurant, and even if you do manage to book a table, it won’t be a romantic dinner for two. There is nothing romantic about brushing elbows with the next table because the restaurant (wanting to capitalise on the romance bullshit) have crammed in an extra dozen or so tables.

I really hate Valentine Day. I’d rather a guy showed me he loved me the other 364 days of the year, in little (cost nothing) ways, than make some grand romantic gesture on one day because they feel they have to. Don’t waste money buying me flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s when if you wait three days you can buy me three times as much for the same money. It’s insane.

I’ve always been like this, even at school where everyone makes a big deal, and you are made to participate in card swaps, I was the person who refused to accept cards. Especially when there were kids who felt bad because no-one gave them a card. Urgh. The whole thing just makes me crazy.

valentine day

Valentine Day

I actually broke up with an ex because of Valentine Day. In the run up he’d been asking me what I wanted, and I explained quite calmly and reasonably that I didn’t want anything, not even a card. And I wouldn’t be getting him anything. I told him how much I dislike the day, and that it is basically commercial nonsense made-up to wheedle more money out of people for no reason. I had this same conversation with him at least twice a week for about four weeks running up to Valentine’s.

So imagine my surprise when he turns up at my place on Valentine Day, with presents, one of those hideous giant cards, wine, and tells me he’s taking me out to dinner. I tried to be gracious about it; I went and got changed into a pretty dress, I gushed over my present (which was actually pretty cool), enthused about the wine, and thanked him for the card. Maybe you can see the road-bump coming, have you guessed what caused the argument…..

I stand up to get my coat so we can go to the restaurant (after displaying the hideous card on a windowsill), he frowns, and says “Where’s mine?” Exactly those words…… “Where’s mine?” I have to admit, I think my mouth fell open in shock. I stared at him lost for words, well I wasn’t actually lost for words, my inner voice was just screaming curse words so loud I couldn’t manage to form a coherent sentence. I think my first actual words were to ask if he was kidding, closely followed by a comment on his intelligence and parentage.

I’m not sure how we ended up still going to the restaurant but it really wasn’t the best idea. We’d been lucky enough to catch one of their booths, now under normal circumstances their booths were great. They’re rounded, with a round table so you can sort of snuggle. However, under these circumstances it wasn’t good. We were sat so far apart we might actually have been trying to join the couples at the tables next to us, while we glared at each other with folded arms. I at least managed to be polite to the waiter, a frazzled looking young man, who cheerfully asked if either of us had the vegetarian option, and would we like red or white wine with our meal. (Another thing I hate about restaurants on Valentine Day are the bloody set menus – grrrrr). After he brought us our wine, he disappeared again in a hurry. After gulping down half of his glass of wine he finally spoke to me,
“I can’t believe you. Who does that.”
I took a deep breath before I answered, desperate not to cause a scene, “I’m not sure what you can’t believe, we discussed this more than once. I told you I wasn’t, and that you shouldn’t.”
He threw back the rest of his wine and slammed his glass on the table, causing the couple at the next table to jump,  “That’s all you’re going to say? I told you so?”
I picked up my glass, and sipped my wine, doing my best to ignore him. He continued glaring at me, as he waved his empty wine glass at the waiter. The starter was basic pate and toast but it tasted nice, and they didn’t have to worry about it getting cold. However, it did nothing to soak up the booze, and one of us was drinking like a fish.

The real trouble started with his fourth glass, I still hadn’t spoken again. The waiter was now practically sprinting away any time he had to stop by our table, and the couple next to us had shifted their table away from us slightly, and moved their chairs so they had their back to us. We’d just had our main course put in front of us, and to say it was underwhelming would be generous. If you’d put both plates together it still wouldn’t have made a decent portion. I just sat looking at it, trying not to say what I was thinking but I didn’t need to, he said it……loudly.
“What a bloody waste of money. Are you kidding me with this shit?” He looked up trying to catch the waiter but he’d mysteriously vanished, he glared at me. “Are you happy now, you fucking bitch?”
The restaurant went silent, and I felt anger flash through me. I knew my face and ears must have been bright red because I felt the rush of heat from the anger. I stood up pushing away from the table, but of course being in the booth, it was the table that moved, dumping his dinner, both glasses of wine, and our water into his lap. “Happy? I am now.” And I walked away, apologising to the waiter and slipping him a tenner on my way out the door.

I got as far as the next corner before my breathing slowed down. And then to the surprise of everyone within earshot, I yelled out a number of my favourite curse words, calling him every name I could come up with. By the time I’d finished I was completely over him, and I started laughing. I got home, chucked the card in the recycling, opened the wine, and put a film on.

I really hate Valentine Day.


*Apologies for the missing ‘s on Valentine throughout, my SEO app didn’t like it.