Online Dating

Personal Article

It’s been a while since I wrote this type of personal article. Online dating began in the 90’s, but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

online dating

Online Dating

Usually when I chat to someone from a dating site I have to explain the whole non-monogamous, bisexual thing. It often surprises me how often people actually ask me what I mean. For me they are mainstream terms, and reasonably self-explanatory so it confuses me when people ask me to explain them. The conversation generally goes downhill from there. I used to have it on my profile but it caused more issues than it solved. It was much easier to chat to someone, and once I was comfortable enough to arrange a meet up mention it. The reactions vary quite a bit from the guys who immediately ask if that means we can have a threesome, the women who ask if I’m just experimenting with lesbian sex, and the horrifying ones who tell me I’m going to hell before they block me.

I have had a few good responses; one guy who was relieved because he was the same, and he was happy he didn’t have to explain it. We went out for a few months but we realised it wasn’t going to work out, despite some similarities we ultimately wanted different things, and the chemistry just wasn’t there in the bedroom. We lost touch after that. There was a girl who was happy for me to date men while seeing her but would rather I didn’t see any other women. That was okay with me too but she ended up not being able to deal with it in the end…which I totally get, non-monogamy isn’t for everyone. There was a stream of people I kind of felt were just dating me so they could tick me off some sort of bucket list, they were all an interesting experience.

I can’t remember at what point I got fed up of trying to explain it to people, and decided to just not mention it until I’d been on at least one date with someone. See if we clicked in person, and had chemistry before I told them. It’s funny how much it changed my online dating experience. I had a really great first date with a guy, we’d really clicked online and got on really well. He was older than me but only by five years, and he was just kind of adorable in the things he would say. I’d had a few bad experiences so I decided I wasn’t going to sleep with him on the first date. I was hoping if I took sex off the table things might go better.

We planned a fab day time date, something that appealed to the geek in both of us. We met at the cinema and went to see a new comic book film. We had really great chemistry, and when he took my hand in the cinema it felt totally natural. After the cinema, we headed off to a pub for a late lunch. Four hours later we were still chatting, laughing, and kissing in the hidden booth at the back of the pub. We ended up going to another couple of pubs, I’d switched to soda at some point because I didn’t want to get drunk. I was having too much fun. We’d been out all day together. It was about 9pm, we were walking between pubs, and he was talking about checking his train times so he could get home. I casually asked if his return ticket was open, when he said yes, I told him he could come home with me if he wanted. He actually stumbled as my words hit him. I have to admit that made me smile a lot.

We had one last drink, and then headed back to mine. My housemates were in the living room when we got in so I felt I had to do a quick intro before heading up to my room. I put on a film, and we snuggled up on my bed to watch it. We continued the touching, stroking and kissing that had been started in the pub but because we had privacy we were able to start taking off layers, and getting naked. Afterwards we cuddled up and he fell asleep stroking my hair. The next morning, we had some more fun together and then we got to chatting. As I talked about various things, little bits of doubt started creeping in. He was a monogamous guy, which is totally cool but seemed to think I would become monogamous when I met the right guy. There were a few other little things that gave me pause, and I ended up deciding not to see him again. He was a really nice guy; very sweet, caring, considerate, and the sex was really good. We just weren’t right for each other.

When you’re online dating it’s quite hard to be bisexual, non-monogamous and kinky using ‘regular’ (or vanilla) dating apps. Even more so when you houseshare, and feel awkward bringing people home on the first date. Which is why websites like SwingTowns are such a great idea, they take a lot of the worry out of online dating for people like me, people who society seems to consider the weird people of the dating world.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.

 

 

Womens March – Equality Needs to be a Reality

A Personal Essay on Feminism

On Friday, the World as we know it changed forever. If you follow me on Twitter you will have seen that over the last 48 hours I have been retweeting much more that I usually do. I tried to reign it in but I had so many feelings and I wasn’t managing to process them. So sharing other’s reactions was my way of showing support, solidarity, etc. Friday I was all about the inauguration, today was all about the Womens March. I have never felt more hope or pride than I did today seeing so many images from all over the World of women standing together and saying, “No, this is not okay. We are equal, and we will be treated as such.”

I don’t know if it will make a difference. After all, we have hundreds of years of societal, cultural and religious conditioning to combat. But it is a start. It is setting something in motion. Judging from the social media reactions of the patriarchy it is terrifying them. Maybe they are getting a glimpse into what OUR lives have been. I realised today that this is what the patriarchy are truly afraid of, that if they allow us our equality we will begin to treat them the way they have treated us for centuries.

It is 2017 we should not still be having this conversation but we are. We are still prisoners because of the idea some one came up with long ago that men are somehow inherently superior purely because they are men. Because of an accident of birth they are somehow stronger, smarter, better than we are. But I’ve never cried and threatened murder because some stranger (of the opposite sex) on the internet dared to have an opinion about a video game that I disagreed with.

IT HAS TO STOP. THE TIME HAS COME.

We need to speak out. We need to fight. We need to start holding the policy makers accountable. We need to be united. Our differences don’t matter. We need to stand together. We need to stop tearing each other down. We are women. We need to support each other, to support ALL women. The march today has shown no matter where we are in the World we all believe that we should be treated equally.

The Womens March

This morning some bloke decided to ask why “women” in England were protesting. What did we think it would achieve. Do we think America’s Government care what women in other countries think of them. I believe his exact words were:

“Utter pathetic! What the hell has the US president got to do with Leeds. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #Brexit”

Delightful, right?

A very lovely lady replied explaining that it wasn’t just about the USA it was about women’s equality, she asked the original tweeter if he’d heard the way Trump speaks about women. His response is somewhat typical of the kind of men who live in denial of rape culture, and the reality of what women deal with on a daily basis.

womens march

Yes, he really does say “People choose to take offence, others don’t give offence. If something offends you that’s your problem.”  He boils the entire womens march principle down to us being offended. You can see my response in the photo but just in case you can’t what I point out is that the way Trump talks about women doesn’t offend me it terrifies me.

The way Trump talks about women is not only disrespectful it is a symptom of the patriarchy. He is normalising the belief some men have that women are just there for their gratification. That men’s sexual pleasure is more important than women’s autonomy. They feel justified in policing our bodies. They can do what they want with them but heaven forbid we use them ourselves. Let us not forget that the man who is now the President of the United States once said:

“I did try and fuck her. She was married. I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look. I’ve gotta use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

This is not okay. This is NOT normal, and it should NEVER be treated as if it is. We are NOT chattel, we never were. Someone just decided to treat us that way because it was the only way to exert some form of control.

It is time to say no more. We will not be under your control any longer. We will speak up. We will speak out. We will use our words, our voices, and we will make things different. The womens march is only the start. You will see how far we can go.

 

We are the creatives, the writers, the artists, the musicians…..we are the revolution.

Eroticon Fundraising – Get Me To EroticonUK

Get Me To Writers’ Conference

Below is a link to my Eroticon Fundraising campaign. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do it but needs must.

eroticon fundraising

Eroticon Fundraising

I already have my ticket and I am very excited about attending Eroticon 2017. It’s the first event with a new management team in place, at a new venue, and I think it is going to be a great event.

Events like this can be invaluable to writers as we spend so much time working alone. They can be a great way to spark ideas, and get tips on ways to do things that might help spark inspiration.

I got my ticket months ago (when they first went on sale), and assumed I would be able to book my hotel in January but after a very rough few months work wise I am now struggling to find the money to book a hotel…..and by struggling I mean I have nothing. It is getting very close to time and I need to be booking something very soon. I also have anxiety issues to contend with so finding a hotel where I have my own space, and can go and relax when needed is going to be vital.

I found a budget hotel that is on the same tube line as the event venue, and also has a good nightbus service. It isn’t the nicest hotel ever but it is adequate for what I need, and it is reasonable cheap. The current saver rate is really good but I don’t know how long those prices will last for so it may be that I end up paying the full rate, which is still pretty good for a London hotel.

I have set up a GoFundMe campaign to try and raise the money I need to cover my travel and accommodation costs. If you can help by donating anything at all it will be greatly appreciated. Anything I can raise to help towards the costs will help.

Click to Donate Now!

Please share this post with your friends, etc. I really do need this help to get me to Eroticon.

New Start – A Personal Post

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 33rd post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, New Start.  You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

new start

It’s the end of the year… a new year lies before us. For some 2016 has been a terrible year, for others it’s been the best one ever. We can all make a fresh start in 2017… how are you going to do that?

Come share your sexiness!

Image source

© Rebel’s Notes

New Start

If you’ve been reading for a while you will know I don’t do resolutions. I said it last year and the year before, and I am sure will say it again next year. What I like to do instead is to look forward, and think about my hopes for 2017. The things I am dreaming about for the coming year.

In preparing for writing this post I decided to look back at the posts from previous year to see what things I had been hoping for. The one from the beginning of 2015 made me laugh, I have changed so much since I wrote that post. The things I want are so different in some respects, and so much the same in others.  2016’s hopes was nice because some of them have really happened, I am living some of those dreams. Some of them I have still to realise, and that’s okay. It’s good to have hopes to aim for.

In 2017 I would really like to get my shit together money wise, and actually be able to afford to get my own place, it doesn’t need to be big I just want something that is mine. However, to do this I first need to clear all my credit cards, and pay off the financing on my laptop. It is doable but maybe not this year but that doesn’t mean I can’t spend 2017 working towards that goal.

I’d like to continue to build my HornyGeekGirl website, and brand. I saw my numbers increase over the last year, and I like that to continue. I think the best way to do this is to make sure I keep fresh content up. So I’d like to increase my total number of posts over the year. Another part of this is managing to read (and comment on) more posts by other people. I used to use Newsify on my iPad for reading blogs but it relied on Google Reader and since that’s gone I have struggled to find a good replacement, so my reading has been patchy. I tend to read posts on my phone, when they pop up on my Twitter feed, and due to a quirk with WordPress I can’t comment or like them (my phone won’t let me log into my WP account for some unknown reason).

I am already living part of my dream, I am writing for a living, and making money from it but I want to expand this. I need to be pitching more, and trying to break into writing for more websites, publications, etc. At the moment it is few and far between, and I’d like to be able to make it a more regular thing.

Speaking of writing; my passion was always fiction but over the last few years it has fallen by the wayside, as I got busy writing articles for paying jobs. The only fiction I’ve done has been little scenes of flash fiction for Masturbation Monday with the odd one expanded into a short story for publication. I need to be writing more fiction, and getting things together for publication. I have lots of ideas for short story collections, and novellas I just need to start working on them.

Another writing one is finishing my Masters, I need to do this so that I can start researching properly for a PhD. Obviously I want to keep studying because I love learning…….and am a crazy person. But also finishing my Masters will mean if things get a bit desperate money wise, I can pick up substitute teaching without too much trouble. Which would really help with the other goal of wanting my own place to live.

This is a big new start for me, and I have the lovely Mel of Voluptasse to thank for it. We were talking about education (she’s doing a Masters too) and our future plans, and she made a suggestion to help me. One of the things I talked about being interested in doing in the future is sex education for adults (and teens). She suggested I get in touch with Brook because they are always looking for volunteers to help deliver their sex education workshops. So that is now on my list for this year. It will be a big step for me because speaking in front of a group is pretty terrifying to this anxiety girl.

This last one is a more general hope/dream but it ties in with my earlier one of writing more. I have been talking about starting a third blog for over a year, and I think it is time to really make the push and do it. The key to making a living from writing seems to be having fingers in as many pies as possible. So I need to get sorted and get started on my food and travel blog. Okay, to start with it won’t have loads of travel because I can’t currently afford to travel much same goes for restaurant reviews and eating out but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about places I have been before, or share recipes. I am excited about this I love food and travel, and really want to translate that passion into my work.

And my last one I want to read more. In 2016 I read 52 new books, that number doesn’t include books I re-read, and I re-read quite a lot. I know I read the Harry Potter and Percy Jackson series more than once. And I re-read Wild, the Banned & Banished series, the Hunger Games trilogy, the Divergent trilogy, 1st 3 books in the Swallows and Amazons series, a number of my Point Horror books, and some other books from my childhood. I re-read a lot of books because I find them comforting. The books I love are like a warm cosy blanket, that makes me feel happy and safe.  I’ve set my 2017 goal at 60 books, and again that is new books only. I shared a photo on my book and film review blog of my to-read pile……which is so big it is actually 3 piles. I hope to have reduced those piles significantly by the end of the year.

For more New Start Wicked Wednesday entries click the button below:new start

2016 Review

A Round Up of the Year

Welcome to my 2016 Review. This round-up of HornyGeekGirl’s year was inspired by the wonderful RebelsNotes’ post on her top 20 blogs of 2016. I’ve included info I got from my stats page as well my personal thoughts on the year for me. I have also included some the posts I remember reading this year from other bloggers.

2016 Review

2016 Review

I’ve had a really strange year. Personally not so great, and yet again I am finding myself cast in the role of the amazing disposable girl. At this point I really think it must be me, I did as much as I could not to repeat the same mistakes, and yet still find myself ending up in the same place. Not sure what I can do differently going forward, and not sure I can be bothered to keep fighting for people who wouldn’t do the same for me. On the plus side, I have some great friends, and reconnected with one of my best friends, despite feeling this time last year that we had drifted apart. I am actually doing pretty well despite the bad personal things, and people I trusted letting me down, I feel I am happy overall.

Also I finally dyed my hair PURPLE something I have wanted to do since I was 16 but was never able to do because of having jobs where I wasn’t allowed. I LOVE IT!!!!  And it feels like me.

Professionally I finally realised that what I always wanted to do with my life was to write. To do that I needed to stop listening to the people who said writing was just a hobby, and to take charge of making it my career. I stopped trying to find a job in an office (that I knew would end up making me ill) and took a huge leap into the unknown. I went freelance. This year has been a roller-coaster, and I still have a long way to go but I am writing for a living. I am living at least the start of my dream. Next goal is being able to afford to live alone again.

Blog Posts I loved

This post is in no specific order; they’re just posts I enjoyed reading this year, that stayed with me, or that I connected with. I hope you’ll consider giving them a read. This 2016 Review list is shorter than I intended because some blogs don’t have a ‘calendar’ archive, and I couldn’t find the post I wanted to share.

  • This post from GirlontheNet really spoke to me. It’s not even the best thing she wrote this year (so give her archives a good going over) but it has stuck with me.
  • Cara‘s post on whether we really do need Adult Sex Education was a great piece written for Adult Sex Ed Month.
  • This post on rape from ScrewTaboo. In all fairness I could have linked to a number of the posts in this series from the lovely lady behind this blog but the one I’ve chosen has links to all the individual posts. The post on revictimisation is especially important to addressing why it often happens multiple times to one person.
  • This post from Emmie at UnsignedMe. As a fellow depression sufferer I always appreciate hearing/reading other people’s views on living with mental illness. And this one is a great reminder that we need to be kinder to ourselves, and if we have to take meds to be ourselves, that’s okay.
  • This post from NotSOSexintheCity made me laugh quite a lot because they are exactly the sort of things I find myself saying when I go through profiles on dating apps. Superficial but just what many of us think.
  • This post on processing his ropes from CharlieForrest was gorgeous. I felt like I was there. I’d never been interested in rope before really but the way he talks about it makes me want to experience how they feel tight against my skin.
  • This post from RemittanceGirl written after Brexit summed up how I was feeling, in a way I was struggling to do myself. I felt so much anger and disappointment around the result of the referendum, and the subsequent reaction of the side that ‘won’.
  • This post on Body Positivity from Emma on EssaysAndWine. It’s something I try to do and struggle with and it is great to hear other people talking about it, especially when they do it so eloquently.

General Stats

  • Overall have had a 36.21% increase in my views from 2015
  • Average daily views have gone from 195 per day to 248 per day
  • HGG has been viewed from 165 different countries around the World
  • I wrote 47 more posts in 2016 than in 2015
  • Post likes saw a percentage growth of 327.12% (how crazy is that???)
  • My average monthly views have increased by around 20% from Jan to Dec

Top 5 Viewing Countries

  • United States – 43%
  • United Kingdom – 23.5%
  • Canada – 5.7%
  • Australia – 4.5%
  • Germany – 2.4%

Top 5 Search Terms

  • Masturbation Monday
  • Horny Geek Girl
  • Satisfyer Pro 2
  • Masturbation Stories
  • Finger Fucking

Top 5 Review Posts

Top 5 Articles

Top 5 Erotica

Top 5 Referrers

For this section I am only counting other bloggers, not websites, or social media referrals. So this 2016 review section is other bloggers whose links have brought people to my website.

 

I hope you enjoyed my 2016 Review. Here’s to an AWESOME 2017.