Halloween Dating

Dating Advice

This dating article, Halloween Dating was written as a sponsored post but unfortunate circumstances came along and it is no longer a sponsored post. However, I enjoyed writing it so I decided to share it anyway. Hope you have fun reading it.

halloween dating

 

Halloween Dating

I used to love Halloween when I was younger (and it is still my favourite ‘holiday’). It’s my birthday so I always had parties with everyone in fancy dress, or as I got older we would put costumes on to go out. I’ve met a few people I’ve dated when on a Halloween night out, and I’ve also arranged a few first dates for the same night.

If it’s a holiday you like, I think Halloween is a great night for first date because it gives you a pretty good insight into the person. What they dress up as, if they are willing to dress up, how they react to your costume (not to mention to other people’s). If you love Halloween it can give you a good idea what they think of it.

There are a few things to take into consideration when you’re planning a Halloween date. If you want to eat many of the nicer places won’t appreciate your costume, so you may end up eating somewhere you wouldn’t normally consider for a first date. Also, many bars will be busy, this can impact things if you want to have deep and meaningful conversations all night. However, if you just want a fun night with some light “getting to know you” conversation, dancing, and lots of fun it’s a great night.

Your costume has to be chosen with care, you want to enter into the spirit, while trying to be original, and not causing offence. If you don’t want to end up looking bad:

  • Don’t glorify violence against women
  • No problematic historical figures
  • Cultures are not costumes
    • No blackface, brownface, yellowface
    • No religious garb (hijabs, bindis, etc)
    • No native headdresses
    • No gypsy related outfits
  • Gender identity is NOT a costume
  • Sexual identity is NOT a costume

You might think you’re being clever or funny but you’re not. Also, a really bad idea are costumes that resemble outfits worn by problematic groups (KKK, facists, etc). For example, if I turned up and my date was dressed as Hitler I would definitely have an issue with it, and the date would not be going any further. Another good one to avoid is anything where your face is coated with grease-paint. This is just personal preference but there is nothing worse than going in to kiss someone only to end up with a mouthful of face paint…it really does not taste good. However, you can now get the body paints that dry when applied, so they don’t smudge off when you’re kissing…these can also be great fun if you want to pick a costume that requires full body paint (think alien characters from Star Trek) because it doesn’t rub off on your clothes.

If things go well and you decide you want to take your date home, you can keep the Halloween dating spirit going with nightcap cocktails with a spooky theme. Maybe you decorated for the holiday before going out. And for a truly silly sexy twist on the holiday glow in the dark condoms, dildos, and body paint can be a lovely way to add some extra entertainment to the fun.

 

For more of my dating thoughts, click here.

Birthday Presents

Personal Post

There are a few ways you can read the title (birthday presents) of this post, you can read it as birthday gifts or birthday hosts, or birthday show. Well my chances of hosting anything are slim, and I highly doubt anyone is going to be putting me on a show (even a private one), so this is about gifts. I’m trying to make the countdown to my birthday more of a positive thing, as opposed to the usual fill me with dread and spiral my depression thing.

birthday presents

Birthday Presents

The date of my birthday (31st October – yeah, I’m a Halloween baby) is shown clearly on both Twitter and Facebook (possibly also on Instagram too), so around this time of year I always start to get emails and DMs asking me about gifts. Usually I direct people to my amazon wishlist or ask for StarbucksUK e-giftcards. This year I decided to do a dedicated birthday wishlist, and post here. Hopefully all the people who usually message me will see this, and I don’t have the awkward feeling attached to replying to individuals. Click the image below to take you to my birthday wishlist.

birthday presents

If you’ve been following me on Twitter for a while you will know this is usually a tough time of year for me. My dad always made a big deal of birthdays and Christmas, so this time of year always makes me miss him even more than I do normally. I do have some friends who always make sure to do something for my birthday, whether it’s a card or a little present, but it’s not the same as having my dad making a fuss of me. However, silly as it sounds, those little cards and gifts do help make me feel a little less alone, they help me get through it, they cheer me up, even if it’s just for a little while. So to all those who ask and send, THANK YOU. It is very much appreciated.

For those who would rather, you can also use paypal to send cash. My paypal is hornygeekgirl@gmail.com please mark payments as friend/family.

 

 

*You can read more of my personal posts here.

 

Half Night Stands – In Collaboration with Flirtfair

Personal Article

My post today, Half Night Stands was written in conjunction with Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you. When they approached me asking me to write a dating article on Half Night Stands vs One Night Stands I was intrigued. I’d never heard the phrase before but it made a certain kind of sense to me. When I thought about it properly I realised I’ve had more half night stands than I have one night stands.

half night stands

Half Night Stands

I don’t know about anyone else but for me the only reason I have “the swiping app” is for sex. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a dating app as such, more an easy way to facilitate a hook-up. There’s no need to pretend it’s anything else. If I have an itch that needs scratching it is the perfect solution. It’s like having sex on tap. I can activate my profile (I don’t keep it active all the time) in the morning, and pretty much have a date for that afternoon. I’m not saying any of the guys I hook up with this way are people I can have great conversations with but when I’m doing this I’m not looking for quality chit chat. What I’m looking for is sex, not the cuddle and fall asleep afterwards kind but the fast and furious I need to get off kind.

These hook-ups are usually referred to as one night stands, even though they often don’t last a whole night. So, when I heard the term half night stand it made me smile.  There’s nothing wrong with one night stands, and sometimes I do want to be able to cuddle, fall asleep together, and then have morning sex. However, I am a terrible sleeper; I am restless, I wake up constantly, I move around, I talk, I wheeze, I have nightmares (and occasional night terrors). Throw in the anxiety of sharing a bed with a ‘new person’ and it does not go well. So for me someone who leaves after the sex is done is kind of perfect. They leave and I still get to have a good night’s sleep……well as good as I ever do. This also works well for me because I can have someone over for a session during the day while my housemates are out. This means I’m not causing them any discomfort at having a stranger in the house with them. When I’m away from home I like to have an early evening session, so I have the rest of the evening to relax before bed…or sometimes so I can go out.

The first time I had a half night stand, met up with someone purely for sex, I was very nervous. It went against so much that I had been ‘taught’ was right. Society would consider me a slut (and they would say it in a negative way), they would think I was easy, with loose morals. I still get anxious about the meeting, it still feels like I should be looking for more of a connection but I no longer care what people (or society) think of me. I don’t feel like I am good at relationships, things always seem to go wrong and I end up getting hurt. To protect myself I try to close off my emotions but I still sometimes need sex. The kind that involves human contact, I don’t want to get emotionally involved, I just want sex with someone warm and willing. As long as I am being safe I don’t see anything wrong with that. Women are just as sexual as men (despite society trying to tell us otherwise), and wanting to have sex just for pleasure is totally okay.

The first few times I arranged a half night stand I tried to be subtle about it, not really being specific, just beating around the bush as it were. I realised very quickly that it worked better if I was just upfront about it. Other than basic niceties (saying hello, etc) I didn’t want to chat. The things I felt were important (sexual health status, hard limits, soft limits, likes/dislikes) were discussed via message before we met up, and a time limit for the meet up was set. No more than three hours, agree to wear a condom (which I always provide due to latex allergy issues), and finally not just willing but enthusiastic about going down on me.

It took doing it a few times before I got into a proper rhythm, it was important to be confident about giving direction. When you have a three hour time limit, you need to be sure you are both enjoying yourself, and that you are both getting what you wanted out of the hook-up. This leads me to the really good thing about half night stands, if it’s not working for either of you it is easy to cut your losses and walk away, all you’ve lost is an hour or two at most. You don’t have to lie there unfulfilled while they fall asleep, and desperately trying to figure out how to decline morning sex without them getting mad.

I like the simplicity I find in half night stands, there is no illusion about what you are there for. There is no need to pretend you will call. No need to make small talk. Or act like you care about their plans for the future.  For me it is purely about the physical act of sex, it is about attending to an itch that my sex toy collection can’t always scratch.

I definitely prefer half night stands to one night stands, even when they don’t happen at night.

 

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

**Disclaimer – This article was commisioned by Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you.

Writing is Work

I toyed with the idea of whether or not to publish this writing is work post but I feel things have been said about me that I need to address. I am not naming names, I don’t want people to go look for them and say something in my defence. I do not want them to feel “bullied” because people agree with me. Just as I don’t feel bullied by those who don’t. So here goes…

writing is work

Writing is Work

We live in a capitalist society, there is no getting away from that. Everything costs money, we all have bills to pay. I have to cover rent, household bills, website costs, work costs, food, etc. The same as everyone else does. I would love to not have to worry about money, to live in a place where I could do the work I wanted purely because I wanted to, without having to think about whether I can afford to pay my bills this month. Where I don’t have to weigh up the financial ramifications of accepting a job that I want to do.

As a freelancer, my income comes from a number of streams. My biggest income is from copywriting work I do for other people (both in and outside this industry). This is pretty much 90% companies who have seen my websites and contacted me to commission work on that basis. They want my voice, talking about whatever subject they have in mind. This Writing is work.

My next biggest income is from the advertisers I have. These are companies who pay for an advertising banner on my website sidebar. This income is the one that pays for the content on here. Every post I do (including reviews, erotica, etc) is made possible by advertisers whose support means I can pay my bills and write for HGG. This is a reciprocal arrangement, the more I write (ie, the more fresh content I produce), the more visitors my site gets, and the greater number of people who will see their ad. This writing is work.

Despite doing all this work, I still have months where I am panicking because it’s two days before my direct debits are due out and I don’t have enough money to cover them. You might think, she just needs to learn to budget but it’s hard to budget when your income only just covers your outgoings every month. Maybe you’d say I should save but I have nothing to save. If I have a spare £5 it stays in my account so that next month I might be able to get a little more ahead. However, chances are it won’t happen because freelance doesn’t always mean regular work, it means taking little bit jobs just so you have money to live.

This often means when big events are happening (such as Eroticon or Woodhull), ones that are a good networking opportunity. A chance to connect with companies and writers, and to develop working relationships that might help me generate more income, I sometimes have to ask companies to sponsor my attendance at these events. Contrary to what seems to be the popular belief, when I contact these companies to  ask them if they would be willing to sponsor me to attend an event, I do not expect them to just give me money and get nothing in return. I work hard to come up with a package (blog posts, advertising, social media,etc) that gives them something in return for their sponsorship. It is a reciprocal agreement.I am not asking for a handout. And if they say no, they don’t have the budget, I respect that. It is a business decision, and I understand it may not work for all companies. This writing is work.

This brings me to my last point. I would like to clarify something about being a Sex Toy Reviewer (and this is also why I don’t do as many reviews anymore).

As a reviewer I don’t “accept” free sex toys. These companies choose to send me these toys, and they are sent to me in exchange for a review. When I am reviewing a toy I make sure to do a thorough job, not just in testing for use but in checking materials, stats, taking photographs, etc. I make note of problems and contact the company in case it is a faulty unit. A review takes me at least 10-15hrs of work. That’s 15 hours work spent on a toy that costs a company £50-100. It’s time I’m not spending doing work that will actually pay my bills. Being sent sex toys is great but I can’t pay my bills with sex toys, last I checked Tesco and Asda aren’t accepting them in exchange for shopping. This writing is work.

To redress this balance many sex toy reviewers use affiliate links, and will often only accept items from companies who have affiliate programs or manufacturers whose product can be purchased through a company with an affiliate program. I choose not to use affiliate links because I have an agreement with my advertisers saying I won’t. However, even for bloggers who do this the income isn’t regular or guaranteed. It is this uncertainty that means bloggers have to find other income streams.

 

First Time Girl – Online Dating with SwingTowns

Personal Article

Third instalment of my Online Dating series, First Time Girl, where I talk about the first time I had sex with a girl. Online dating began in the 90’s but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

first time girlFirst Time Girl

It’s funny, it took someone else pointing it out for me to realise I was bisexual. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it was a thing but more that it was so far out of my range of experience the possibility never occurred to me. I knew I sometimes fancied women but I also knew I liked men, so I couldn’t be “gay”. So, when I was having a conversation with a friend, and she said “Honey, you’re bisexual.” It was a bit of a personal lightbulb moment. It just made sense to me.

For a long time, I didn’t really do anything about it, and then I met this cute girl at an event and some very PG making out happened. She asked me back to hers, and I’m embarrassed to say I panicked and declined. I didn’t know how to admit to her that I hadn’t had sex with another woman before, or even if I needed to. It was a bit of a defining moment for me, I didn’t want that to happen again.

I went online with a very specific dating plan. I needed to find a lovely lady who was willing to be partly teacher, and partly experiment. I had to word the ‘ad’ really carefully. I didn’t want a relationship I just wanted one night where I could explore this side of my personality, and take my bisexuality from a theoretical idea to a solid, yes this is me. I didn’t think it would be easy to find someone but it was actually much easier than I expected. I was very clear about what this arrangement was about, and I made sure to reinforce the idea of an easy out for either of us, as well as discussing taking it one step at a time.

We arranged to meet in a bar, to give us chance to get acquainted. We got on really well, conversation was flowing easily, and it felt comfortable. When she asked if I was ready to head out, I was happy to agree. I was fine until we got to her flat, at which point my nerves kicked in but she was totally on the ball, and in an effort to ease the pressure she asked if I fancied watching a film.

She put on The Avengers, and we sat down on the sofa together. She snuggled close and held my hand. Not long into the film, I realised she was stroking my leg. She was leaning against my shoulder, and it felt totally natural to turn my face to kiss her. We ignored the film as we made out, when she slipped her hands under my tee, I pulled it off, and she grinned as she reached around to unhook my bra. As she played with my breasts, I tugged at the hem of her shirt lifting it off. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and to me she had the most perfect small boobs. They fit perfectly in my hands, and it was easy to cover them while rubbing my thumb over her nipples.

We moved to the bedroom, and stood at opposite sides of the bed to take off the rest of our clothes. I tried not to stare while she was undressing but I wanted to look at her. I noticed the curve of her hips, the slight bump of her stomach, the lines of muscles in her legs, and when she turned I have to admit I grinned. I am a sucker for a good butt, and hers was lovely. Round and firm…and totally peachy. I did feel a bit pervy just standing there watching her, and remembered I needed to take off my own clothes. I slipped off my skirt and was about to take off my bandelettes (lacy stocking tops without stocking attached) when she spoke, “Can you leave those on?” She was sat in the bed watching me, and I smiled, pulling off my knickers and leaving the stocking tops on. I got into the bed, and she reached down, stroking them, “I love these.” She kissed me.

A few hours later, I propped myself up on one elbow watching her. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing raggedly. I bit my lip, as her breathing steadied and she opened her eyes to look at me. “How do you look so worried? That was great.” I reached out, stroking my finger in a line down her torso, and she pulled me down, hugging me before resting her head on my chest. “Everyone should have a pillow like this for the comedown.” I started giggling, and she bit my nipple making me wiggle. And then we started all over again.

The next morning, she made me coffee and toast, and we chatted about the night before. She was really lovely about it all, asking me if it was what I’d expected, and how I felt. It was funny, the more I tried to articulate my feelings the sillier it seemed that I had been so nervous about the whole thing to start with. When I left, she hugged me, and told me to keep in touch. We’ve met for drinks a few times but never had sex again. She’s kind of become one of my emotional sounding boards, especially with regards to sexual feelings. If I’m ever stuck in my head and being a bit silly, I know I can message her and she will talk me round.

I’m really glad I did it but I don’t think it will stop me being nervous in the future. I get nervous when I meet a new guy so stands to reason it would be the same with a new girl.  So, if you’re looking for people to enjoy an experience like mine, I highly recommend SwingTowns.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.