Half Night Stands – In Collaboration with Flirtfair

Personal Article

My post today, Half Night Stands was written in conjunction with Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you. When they approached me asking me to write a dating article on Half Night Stands vs One Night Stands I was intrigued. I’d never heard the phrase before but it made a certain kind of sense to me. When I thought about it properly I realised I’ve had more half night stands than I have one night stands.

half night stands

Half Night Stands

I don’t know about anyone else but for me the only reason I have “the swiping app” is for sex. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a dating app as such, more an easy way to facilitate a hook-up. There’s no need to pretend it’s anything else. If I have an itch that needs scratching it is the perfect solution. It’s like having sex on tap. I can activate my profile (I don’t keep it active all the time) in the morning, and pretty much have a date for that afternoon. I’m not saying any of the guys I hook up with this way are people I can have great conversations with but when I’m doing this I’m not looking for quality chit chat. What I’m looking for is sex, not the cuddle and fall asleep afterwards kind but the fast and furious I need to get off kind.

These hook-ups are usually referred to as one night stands, even though they often don’t last a whole night. So, when I heard the term half night stand it made me smile.  There’s nothing wrong with one night stands, and sometimes I do want to be able to cuddle, fall asleep together, and then have morning sex. However, I am a terrible sleeper; I am restless, I wake up constantly, I move around, I talk, I wheeze, I have nightmares (and occasional night terrors). Throw in the anxiety of sharing a bed with a ‘new person’ and it does not go well. So for me someone who leaves after the sex is done is kind of perfect. They leave and I still get to have a good night’s sleep……well as good as I ever do. This also works well for me because I can have someone over for a session during the day while my housemates are out. This means I’m not causing them any discomfort at having a stranger in the house with them. When I’m away from home I like to have an early evening session, so I have the rest of the evening to relax before bed…or sometimes so I can go out.

The first time I had a half night stand, met up with someone purely for sex, I was very nervous. It went against so much that I had been ‘taught’ was right. Society would consider me a slut (and they would say it in a negative way), they would think I was easy, with loose morals. I still get anxious about the meeting, it still feels like I should be looking for more of a connection but I no longer care what people (or society) think of me. I don’t feel like I am good at relationships, things always seem to go wrong and I end up getting hurt. To protect myself I try to close off my emotions but I still sometimes need sex. The kind that involves human contact, I don’t want to get emotionally involved, I just want sex with someone warm and willing. As long as I am being safe I don’t see anything wrong with that. Women are just as sexual as men (despite society trying to tell us otherwise), and wanting to have sex just for pleasure is totally okay.

The first few times I arranged a half night stand I tried to be subtle about it, not really being specific, just beating around the bush as it were. I realised very quickly that it worked better if I was just upfront about it. Other than basic niceties (saying hello, etc) I didn’t want to chat. The things I felt were important (sexual health status, hard limits, soft limits, likes/dislikes) were discussed via message before we met up, and a time limit for the meet up was set. No more than three hours, agree to wear a condom (which I always provide due to latex allergy issues), and finally not just willing but enthusiastic about going down on me.

It took doing it a few times before I got into a proper rhythm, it was important to be confident about giving direction. When you have a three hour time limit, you need to be sure you are both enjoying yourself, and that you are both getting what you wanted out of the hook-up. This leads me to the really good thing about half night stands, if it’s not working for either of you it is easy to cut your losses and walk away, all you’ve lost is an hour or two at most. You don’t have to lie there unfulfilled while they fall asleep, and desperately trying to figure out how to decline morning sex without them getting mad.

I like the simplicity I find in half night stands, there is no illusion about what you are there for. There is no need to pretend you will call. No need to make small talk. Or act like you care about their plans for the future.  For me it is purely about the physical act of sex, it is about attending to an itch that my sex toy collection can’t always scratch.

I definitely prefer half night stands to one night stands, even when they don’t happen at night.

 

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

**Disclaimer – This article was commisioned by Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you.

Writing is Work

I toyed with the idea of whether or not to publish this writing is work post but I feel things have been said about me that I need to address. I am not naming names, I don’t want people to go look for them and say something in my defence. I do not want them to feel “bullied” because people agree with me. Just as I don’t feel bullied by those who don’t. So here goes…

writing is work

Writing is Work

We live in a capitalist society, there is no getting away from that. Everything costs money, we all have bills to pay. I have to cover rent, household bills, website costs, work costs, food, etc. The same as everyone else does. I would love to not have to worry about money, to live in a place where I could do the work I wanted purely because I wanted to, without having to think about whether I can afford to pay my bills this month. Where I don’t have to weigh up the financial ramifications of accepting a job that I want to do.

As a freelancer, my income comes from a number of streams. My biggest income is from copywriting work I do for other people (both in and outside this industry). This is pretty much 90% companies who have seen my websites and contacted me to commission work on that basis. They want my voice, talking about whatever subject they have in mind. This Writing is work.

My next biggest income is from the advertisers I have. These are companies who pay for an advertising banner on my website sidebar. This income is the one that pays for the content on here. Every post I do (including reviews, erotica, etc) is made possible by advertisers whose support means I can pay my bills and write for HGG. This is a reciprocal arrangement, the more I write (ie, the more fresh content I produce), the more visitors my site gets, and the greater number of people who will see their ad. This writing is work.

Despite doing all this work, I still have months where I am panicking because it’s two days before my direct debits are due out and I don’t have enough money to cover them. You might think, she just needs to learn to budget but it’s hard to budget when your income only just covers your outgoings every month. Maybe you’d say I should save but I have nothing to save. If I have a spare £5 it stays in my account so that next month I might be able to get a little more ahead. However, chances are it won’t happen because freelance doesn’t always mean regular work, it means taking little bit jobs just so you have money to live.

This often means when big events are happening (such as Eroticon or Woodhull), ones that are a good networking opportunity. A chance to connect with companies and writers, and to develop working relationships that might help me generate more income, I sometimes have to ask companies to sponsor my attendance at these events. Contrary to what seems to be the popular belief, when I contact these companies to  ask them if they would be willing to sponsor me to attend an event, I do not expect them to just give me money and get nothing in return. I work hard to come up with a package (blog posts, advertising, social media,etc) that gives them something in return for their sponsorship. It is a reciprocal agreement.I am not asking for a handout. And if they say no, they don’t have the budget, I respect that. It is a business decision, and I understand it may not work for all companies. This writing is work.

This brings me to my last point. I would like to clarify something about being a Sex Toy Reviewer (and this is also why I don’t do as many reviews anymore).

As a reviewer I don’t “accept” free sex toys. These companies choose to send me these toys, and they are sent to me in exchange for a review. When I am reviewing a toy I make sure to do a thorough job, not just in testing for use but in checking materials, stats, taking photographs, etc. I make note of problems and contact the company in case it is a faulty unit. A review takes me at least 10-15hrs of work. That’s 15 hours work spent on a toy that costs a company £50-100. It’s time I’m not spending doing work that will actually pay my bills. Being sent sex toys is great but I can’t pay my bills with sex toys, last I checked Tesco and Asda aren’t accepting them in exchange for shopping. This writing is work.

To redress this balance many sex toy reviewers use affiliate links, and will often only accept items from companies who have affiliate programs or manufacturers whose product can be purchased through a company with an affiliate program. I choose not to use affiliate links because I have an agreement with my advertisers saying I won’t. However, even for bloggers who do this the income isn’t regular or guaranteed. It is this uncertainty that means bloggers have to find other income streams.

 

First Time Girl – Online Dating with SwingTowns

Personal Article

Third instalment of my Online Dating series, First Time Girl, where I talk about the first time I had sex with a girl. Online dating began in the 90’s but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

first time girlFirst Time Girl

It’s funny, it took someone else pointing it out for me to realise I was bisexual. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it was a thing but more that it was so far out of my range of experience the possibility never occurred to me. I knew I sometimes fancied women but I also knew I liked men, so I couldn’t be “gay”. So, when I was having a conversation with a friend, and she said “Honey, you’re bisexual.” It was a bit of a personal lightbulb moment. It just made sense to me.

For a long time, I didn’t really do anything about it, and then I met this cute girl at an event and some very PG making out happened. She asked me back to hers, and I’m embarrassed to say I panicked and declined. I didn’t know how to admit to her that I hadn’t had sex with another woman before, or even if I needed to. It was a bit of a defining moment for me, I didn’t want that to happen again.

I went online with a very specific dating plan. I needed to find a lovely lady who was willing to be partly teacher, and partly experiment. I had to word the ‘ad’ really carefully. I didn’t want a relationship I just wanted one night where I could explore this side of my personality, and take my bisexuality from a theoretical idea to a solid, yes this is me. I didn’t think it would be easy to find someone but it was actually much easier than I expected. I was very clear about what this arrangement was about, and I made sure to reinforce the idea of an easy out for either of us, as well as discussing taking it one step at a time.

We arranged to meet in a bar, to give us chance to get acquainted. We got on really well, conversation was flowing easily, and it felt comfortable. When she asked if I was ready to head out, I was happy to agree. I was fine until we got to her flat, at which point my nerves kicked in but she was totally on the ball, and in an effort to ease the pressure she asked if I fancied watching a film.

She put on The Avengers, and we sat down on the sofa together. She snuggled close and held my hand. Not long into the film, I realised she was stroking my leg. She was leaning against my shoulder, and it felt totally natural to turn my face to kiss her. We ignored the film as we made out, when she slipped her hands under my tee, I pulled it off, and she grinned as she reached around to unhook my bra. As she played with my breasts, I tugged at the hem of her shirt lifting it off. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and to me she had the most perfect small boobs. They fit perfectly in my hands, and it was easy to cover them while rubbing my thumb over her nipples.

We moved to the bedroom, and stood at opposite sides of the bed to take off the rest of our clothes. I tried not to stare while she was undressing but I wanted to look at her. I noticed the curve of her hips, the slight bump of her stomach, the lines of muscles in her legs, and when she turned I have to admit I grinned. I am a sucker for a good butt, and hers was lovely. Round and firm…and totally peachy. I did feel a bit pervy just standing there watching her, and remembered I needed to take off my own clothes. I slipped off my skirt and was about to take off my bandelettes (lacy stocking tops without stocking attached) when she spoke, “Can you leave those on?” She was sat in the bed watching me, and I smiled, pulling off my knickers and leaving the stocking tops on. I got into the bed, and she reached down, stroking them, “I love these.” She kissed me.

A few hours later, I propped myself up on one elbow watching her. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing raggedly. I bit my lip, as her breathing steadied and she opened her eyes to look at me. “How do you look so worried? That was great.” I reached out, stroking my finger in a line down her torso, and she pulled me down, hugging me before resting her head on my chest. “Everyone should have a pillow like this for the comedown.” I started giggling, and she bit my nipple making me wiggle. And then we started all over again.

The next morning, she made me coffee and toast, and we chatted about the night before. She was really lovely about it all, asking me if it was what I’d expected, and how I felt. It was funny, the more I tried to articulate my feelings the sillier it seemed that I had been so nervous about the whole thing to start with. When I left, she hugged me, and told me to keep in touch. We’ve met for drinks a few times but never had sex again. She’s kind of become one of my emotional sounding boards, especially with regards to sexual feelings. If I’m ever stuck in my head and being a bit silly, I know I can message her and she will talk me round.

I’m really glad I did it but I don’t think it will stop me being nervous in the future. I get nervous when I meet a new guy so stands to reason it would be the same with a new girl.  So, if you’re looking for people to enjoy an experience like mine, I highly recommend SwingTowns.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.

Casual Sex – Online Dating with SwingTowns

Personal Article

Second instalment of my Online Dating series, this time looking at Casual Sex. Online dating began in the 90’s, but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

casual sex

Casual Sex

I’d never done it before; arranged to meet someone I didn’t know for the single purpose of sex. I’d met people for a date where I was fairly certain the end result might be sex of some description but never when it was just about the sex. This was new and I admit, it made me nervous. Even more so because I wasn’t at home. I was in London for some meetings and decided I might as well make the most of having a lovely hotel room. For me there was something very different about meeting someone just for sex, I’m not even going to pretend I considered anything beyond the physical for first contact, it was all about how they looked and whether I fancied them. Granted once I’d initiated contact, them being able to converse in a way that also made me hot, came into play. I decided against the really hot guy who unfortunately decided to tell me, “any girl who’s willing is good with me”. While he got points for them needing to be willing, I also wanted to feel like the person wanted ME as much as I wanted them, even if it was just for one night.

There were lots of things I worried about going into it, and not all of them (okay, hardly any) were really rational fears. A big part of me was assuming he wouldn’t even turn up, or that he would see me through the window and not come in. I also worried that he wouldn’t look like his photos, and I’d be stuck there trying to work out how to say no without causing a scene. Or on the flip side of that was the worry that he’d see me in person and decide I wasn’t whatever he was expecting from my photos, and he’d make his excuses and leave. Then there was the scariest thought of what if he looks just like his photos, and thinks I do too, and he stays. It may have been what I wanted but it was still nerve-wracking. I have a friend who does this all the time, she never gets nervous. She says it’s because I’m a product of society, she isn’t. But I can work on it, and it will get easier.

One of the things she advised was to make the person I’m meeting agree to an easy out clause. A way for either of us to walk away at any point without any explanation needed. I was really lucky, when I mentioned it to James during our initial conversation he not only agreed but was enthusiastic about it. The other thing my friend advised was meeting in a neutral location for one drink, so it gave us both a chance to make sure we wanted to continue. I figured a drink to calm my nerves would probably be a good idea, so arranged to meet him in the hotel bar.

 

I check the room one last time, making sure all my things are hidden away, and my bags stored in the wardrobe. Satisfied I glance at my reflection again, smoothing down my skirt and wishing I’d brought a different outfit.  I let the door click shut behind me, and head to the bar. I’m about halfway down my glass of prosecco when he walks in. I try not to stare, he looks just like his photos but I have a moment of doubt. He’s gorgeous…and very nicely put-together, I can’t help but wonder what he saw in me.  I’d picked the perfect seat to watch the door from, and when he pauses in the doorway, I raise my hand, and give a slightly self-conscious wave. He smiles and moves through the room, I stand as he reaches me, and we look at each other awkwardly for a second before we hug. The waiter comes over, and he orders a drink. He smiles at me, “You look just like your photo…except for the hair colour, the purple suits you.”
“Thanks, it took me a long time to do it but I really love it.” We make small talk while we finish our drinks, then he suggests getting a bottle of wine to take up to the room, and we head upstairs.

I shouldn’t be but when he kisses me I’m surprised. I know this was the whole point of meeting but it just seems so sudden. I can taste the brandy he drank in the bar, and while my brain is still trying to analyse my body is getting into the action. My hands are round his head, tangled in his hair and holding him close. His hands are cupping my butt, pulling me into him, and when I bite his lip I feel his cock twitch against my hip.

Three hours later we’re lounging naked on the bed, sipping wine. We’re just chatting about general things and I realise we never discussed this; is he going to leave? Or will he stay the night? I kind of hope he stays but not sure how to broach the subject, I make a mental note to check for future arrangements. The conversation is winding down, and we’re both starting to look sleepy. He puts down his wine glass, and turns to me, “Is it okay if I stay?” I’m too relieved to speak so I nod, putting down my empty glass, and sliding down into the bed. He pulls the duvet over us, sliding his arm around me. He barely moves all night, and while I feel comfortable with him there I don’t really sleep properly, just sort of snooze. When the room starts to lighten, I get up to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. Trying not to wake him, I fill the kettle and switch it on.

He looks like he’ll be out for a while longer so I decide to have a shower. I stand under the water admiring the bite marks on my chest and thighs. I’ve just finished washing my hair when he comes into the bathroom, “Need help washing your back?”
I laugh, “Well, it is hard to reach, you’d better climb in.” I’ll be honest I’m not a huge fan of shower sex, I get wobbly enough when I’m laid down, standing on a slippery surface isn’t a great plan. We take turns to wash each other, taking our time to soap up and rinse. I’m feeling more than a little aroused, when he reaches past me to turn off the shower. He puts a towel around his waist, then wraps a second one around me. Helping me out of the shower, he takes my hand to lead me back to the bedroom.

Later, fully dressed, he gives me a long kiss. “This was really fun. Thanks for letting me stay.”
“I’m glad you did. It’s been good.” I hug him and give him a quick kiss. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”
As he walks away I shut the door, and sit down on the bed. Hardly believing I managed to do it, and I had fun, and I feel good about it. When I leave to meet my friend, I am practically floating, and can’t stop the satisfied grin that is plastered across my face.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.

Waves

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 34th post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, Waves.  I can’t believe it’s been five months since I joined in with this meme. I don’t know where the time has gone. You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

wavesThis week’s prompt is a suggestion by Mrs Fever:

Waves

They crash and roll, splash and shush; they wash against shores and ripple through otherwise still waters. The most damaging waves stand stories tall above the surface, but the strongest waves are never visible to the naked eye, because they are moving deep under the surface.

Image source

© Rebel’s Notes

Waves

I love the sea, watching the waves soothes me. Even when they’re big and stormy, crashing against the shore with such force that they leave their mark. There is something reassuring about them. They are steadfast, constant…it is only their intensity that changes. The waves are always there; little surface ripples and deep underwater currents. I find them comforting. If my mood is low or I am anxious, walking along a beach or seafront helps me feel better. It makes me feel connected to the earth.

I often use waves and the associated terminology to describe orgasms because for me that is how my orgasms feel, like the tide coming in. The way they can ebb and flow, the rush in and out, lots of little ripples that build up to a crashing finish.

I’m not great at poetry, so I don’t do it very often but it felt right, for this theme. I hope you enjoy it…

Orgasm Wave

His finger traces down me
Outlining my curves,
like patterns on sand.
Skimming downwards, teasing,
his finger sliding lower.
His mouth finding my nipple,
tasting, sucking, biting.
The waves start to build inside me,
as his mouth and fingers go to work.
He teases me with them,
causing the tide inside me
to ebb and flow.
Lifting me up, and dropping me down,
No thoughts, I can only feel.
My toes curl, and my knees weaken
as the first wave hits me.
Then I’m lost, adrift,
floating out with the tide.

 

For more Wicked Wednesday entries click the button below:waves