Casual Sex – Online Dating with SwingTowns

Personal Article

Second instalment of my Online Dating series, this time looking at Casual Sex. Online dating began in the 90’s, but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

casual sex

Casual Sex

I’d never done it before; arranged to meet someone I didn’t know for the single purpose of sex. I’d met people for a date where I was fairly certain the end result might be sex of some description but never when it was just about the sex. This was new and I admit, it made me nervous. Even more so because I wasn’t at home. I was in London for some meetings and decided I might as well make the most of having a lovely hotel room. For me there was something very different about meeting someone just for sex, I’m not even going to pretend I considered anything beyond the physical for first contact, it was all about how they looked and whether I fancied them. Granted once I’d initiated contact, them being able to converse in a way that also made me hot, came into play. I decided against the really hot guy who unfortunately decided to tell me, “any girl who’s willing is good with me”. While he got points for them needing to be willing, I also wanted to feel like the person wanted ME as much as I wanted them, even if it was just for one night.

There were lots of things I worried about going into it, and not all of them (okay, hardly any) were really rational fears. A big part of me was assuming he wouldn’t even turn up, or that he would see me through the window and not come in. I also worried that he wouldn’t look like his photos, and I’d be stuck there trying to work out how to say no without causing a scene. Or on the flip side of that was the worry that he’d see me in person and decide I wasn’t whatever he was expecting from my photos, and he’d make his excuses and leave. Then there was the scariest thought of what if he looks just like his photos, and thinks I do too, and he stays. It may have been what I wanted but it was still nerve-wracking. I have a friend who does this all the time, she never gets nervous. She says it’s because I’m a product of society, she isn’t. But I can work on it, and it will get easier.

One of the things she advised was to make the person I’m meeting agree to an easy out clause. A way for either of us to walk away at any point without any explanation needed. I was really lucky, when I mentioned it to James during our initial conversation he not only agreed but was enthusiastic about it. The other thing my friend advised was meeting in a neutral location for one drink, so it gave us both a chance to make sure we wanted to continue. I figured a drink to calm my nerves would probably be a good idea, so arranged to meet him in the hotel bar.

 

I check the room one last time, making sure all my things are hidden away, and my bags stored in the wardrobe. Satisfied I glance at my reflection again, smoothing down my skirt and wishing I’d brought a different outfit.  I let the door click shut behind me, and head to the bar. I’m about halfway down my glass of prosecco when he walks in. I try not to stare, he looks just like his photos but I have a moment of doubt. He’s gorgeous…and very nicely put-together, I can’t help but wonder what he saw in me.  I’d picked the perfect seat to watch the door from, and when he pauses in the doorway, I raise my hand, and give a slightly self-conscious wave. He smiles and moves through the room, I stand as he reaches me, and we look at each other awkwardly for a second before we hug. The waiter comes over, and he orders a drink. He smiles at me, “You look just like your photo…except for the hair colour, the purple suits you.”
“Thanks, it took me a long time to do it but I really love it.” We make small talk while we finish our drinks, then he suggests getting a bottle of wine to take up to the room, and we head upstairs.

I shouldn’t be but when he kisses me I’m surprised. I know this was the whole point of meeting but it just seems so sudden. I can taste the brandy he drank in the bar, and while my brain is still trying to analyse my body is getting into the action. My hands are round his head, tangled in his hair and holding him close. His hands are cupping my butt, pulling me into him, and when I bite his lip I feel his cock twitch against my hip.

Three hours later we’re lounging naked on the bed, sipping wine. We’re just chatting about general things and I realise we never discussed this; is he going to leave? Or will he stay the night? I kind of hope he stays but not sure how to broach the subject, I make a mental note to check for future arrangements. The conversation is winding down, and we’re both starting to look sleepy. He puts down his wine glass, and turns to me, “Is it okay if I stay?” I’m too relieved to speak so I nod, putting down my empty glass, and sliding down into the bed. He pulls the duvet over us, sliding his arm around me. He barely moves all night, and while I feel comfortable with him there I don’t really sleep properly, just sort of snooze. When the room starts to lighten, I get up to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. Trying not to wake him, I fill the kettle and switch it on.

He looks like he’ll be out for a while longer so I decide to have a shower. I stand under the water admiring the bite marks on my chest and thighs. I’ve just finished washing my hair when he comes into the bathroom, “Need help washing your back?”
I laugh, “Well, it is hard to reach, you’d better climb in.” I’ll be honest I’m not a huge fan of shower sex, I get wobbly enough when I’m laid down, standing on a slippery surface isn’t a great plan. We take turns to wash each other, taking our time to soap up and rinse. I’m feeling more than a little aroused, when he reaches past me to turn off the shower. He puts a towel around his waist, then wraps a second one around me. Helping me out of the shower, he takes my hand to lead me back to the bedroom.

Later, fully dressed, he gives me a long kiss. “This was really fun. Thanks for letting me stay.”
“I’m glad you did. It’s been good.” I hug him and give him a quick kiss. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”
As he walks away I shut the door, and sit down on the bed. Hardly believing I managed to do it, and I had fun, and I feel good about it. When I leave to meet my friend, I am practically floating, and can’t stop the satisfied grin that is plastered across my face.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.

Waves

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 34th post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, Waves.  I can’t believe it’s been five months since I joined in with this meme. I don’t know where the time has gone. You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

wavesThis week’s prompt is a suggestion by Mrs Fever:

Waves

They crash and roll, splash and shush; they wash against shores and ripple through otherwise still waters. The most damaging waves stand stories tall above the surface, but the strongest waves are never visible to the naked eye, because they are moving deep under the surface.

Image source

© Rebel’s Notes

Waves

I love the sea, watching the waves soothes me. Even when they’re big and stormy, crashing against the shore with such force that they leave their mark. There is something reassuring about them. They are steadfast, constant…it is only their intensity that changes. The waves are always there; little surface ripples and deep underwater currents. I find them comforting. If my mood is low or I am anxious, walking along a beach or seafront helps me feel better. It makes me feel connected to the earth.

I often use waves and the associated terminology to describe orgasms because for me that is how my orgasms feel, like the tide coming in. The way they can ebb and flow, the rush in and out, lots of little ripples that build up to a crashing finish.

I’m not great at poetry, so I don’t do it very often but it felt right, for this theme. I hope you enjoy it…

Orgasm Wave

His finger traces down me
Outlining my curves,
like patterns on sand.
Skimming downwards, teasing,
his finger sliding lower.
His mouth finding my nipple,
tasting, sucking, biting.
The waves start to build inside me,
as his mouth and fingers go to work.
He teases me with them,
causing the tide inside me
to ebb and flow.
Lifting me up, and dropping me down,
No thoughts, I can only feel.
My toes curl, and my knees weaken
as the first wave hits me.
Then I’m lost, adrift,
floating out with the tide.

 

For more Wicked Wednesday entries click the button below:waves

Online Dating

Personal Article

It’s been a while since I wrote this type of personal article. Online dating began in the 90’s, but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

online dating

Online Dating

Usually when I chat to someone from a dating site I have to explain the whole non-monogamous, bisexual thing. It often surprises me how often people actually ask me what I mean. For me they are mainstream terms, and reasonably self-explanatory so it confuses me when people ask me to explain them. The conversation generally goes downhill from there. I used to have it on my profile but it caused more issues than it solved. It was much easier to chat to someone, and once I was comfortable enough to arrange a meet up mention it. The reactions vary quite a bit from the guys who immediately ask if that means we can have a threesome, the women who ask if I’m just experimenting with lesbian sex, and the horrifying ones who tell me I’m going to hell before they block me.

I have had a few good responses; one guy who was relieved because he was the same, and he was happy he didn’t have to explain it. We went out for a few months but we realised it wasn’t going to work out, despite some similarities we ultimately wanted different things, and the chemistry just wasn’t there in the bedroom. We lost touch after that. There was a girl who was happy for me to date men while seeing her but would rather I didn’t see any other women. That was okay with me too but she ended up not being able to deal with it in the end…which I totally get, non-monogamy isn’t for everyone. There was a stream of people I kind of felt were just dating me so they could tick me off some sort of bucket list, they were all an interesting experience.

I can’t remember at what point I got fed up of trying to explain it to people, and decided to just not mention it until I’d been on at least one date with someone. See if we clicked in person, and had chemistry before I told them. It’s funny how much it changed my online dating experience. I had a really great first date with a guy, we’d really clicked online and got on really well. He was older than me but only by five years, and he was just kind of adorable in the things he would say. I’d had a few bad experiences so I decided I wasn’t going to sleep with him on the first date. I was hoping if I took sex off the table things might go better.

We planned a fab day time date, something that appealed to the geek in both of us. We met at the cinema and went to see a new comic book film. We had really great chemistry, and when he took my hand in the cinema it felt totally natural. After the cinema, we headed off to a pub for a late lunch. Four hours later we were still chatting, laughing, and kissing in the hidden booth at the back of the pub. We ended up going to another couple of pubs, I’d switched to soda at some point because I didn’t want to get drunk. I was having too much fun. We’d been out all day together. It was about 9pm, we were walking between pubs, and he was talking about checking his train times so he could get home. I casually asked if his return ticket was open, when he said yes, I told him he could come home with me if he wanted. He actually stumbled as my words hit him. I have to admit that made me smile a lot.

We had one last drink, and then headed back to mine. My housemates were in the living room when we got in so I felt I had to do a quick intro before heading up to my room. I put on a film, and we snuggled up on my bed to watch it. We continued the touching, stroking and kissing that had been started in the pub but because we had privacy we were able to start taking off layers, and getting naked. Afterwards we cuddled up and he fell asleep stroking my hair. The next morning, we had some more fun together and then we got to chatting. As I talked about various things, little bits of doubt started creeping in. He was a monogamous guy, which is totally cool but seemed to think I would become monogamous when I met the right guy. There were a few other little things that gave me pause, and I ended up deciding not to see him again. He was a really nice guy; very sweet, caring, considerate, and the sex was really good. We just weren’t right for each other.

When you’re online dating it’s quite hard to be bisexual, non-monogamous and kinky using ‘regular’ (or vanilla) dating apps. Even more so when you houseshare, and feel awkward bringing people home on the first date. Which is why websites like SwingTowns are such a great idea, they take a lot of the worry out of online dating for people like me, people who society seems to consider the weird people of the dating world.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.

 

 

Womens March – Equality Needs to be a Reality

A Personal Essay on Feminism

On Friday, the World as we know it changed forever. If you follow me on Twitter you will have seen that over the last 48 hours I have been retweeting much more that I usually do. I tried to reign it in but I had so many feelings and I wasn’t managing to process them. So sharing other’s reactions was my way of showing support, solidarity, etc. Friday I was all about the inauguration, today was all about the Womens March. I have never felt more hope or pride than I did today seeing so many images from all over the World of women standing together and saying, “No, this is not okay. We are equal, and we will be treated as such.”

I don’t know if it will make a difference. After all, we have hundreds of years of societal, cultural and religious conditioning to combat. But it is a start. It is setting something in motion. Judging from the social media reactions of the patriarchy it is terrifying them. Maybe they are getting a glimpse into what OUR lives have been. I realised today that this is what the patriarchy are truly afraid of, that if they allow us our equality we will begin to treat them the way they have treated us for centuries.

It is 2017 we should not still be having this conversation but we are. We are still prisoners because of the idea some one came up with long ago that men are somehow inherently superior purely because they are men. Because of an accident of birth they are somehow stronger, smarter, better than we are. But I’ve never cried and threatened murder because some stranger (of the opposite sex) on the internet dared to have an opinion about a video game that I disagreed with.

IT HAS TO STOP. THE TIME HAS COME.

We need to speak out. We need to fight. We need to start holding the policy makers accountable. We need to be united. Our differences don’t matter. We need to stand together. We need to stop tearing each other down. We are women. We need to support each other, to support ALL women. The march today has shown no matter where we are in the World we all believe that we should be treated equally.

The Womens March

This morning some bloke decided to ask why “women” in England were protesting. What did we think it would achieve. Do we think America’s Government care what women in other countries think of them. I believe his exact words were:

“Utter pathetic! What the hell has the US president got to do with Leeds. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #Brexit”

Delightful, right?

A very lovely lady replied explaining that it wasn’t just about the USA it was about women’s equality, she asked the original tweeter if he’d heard the way Trump speaks about women. His response is somewhat typical of the kind of men who live in denial of rape culture, and the reality of what women deal with on a daily basis.

womens march

Yes, he really does say “People choose to take offence, others don’t give offence. If something offends you that’s your problem.”  He boils the entire womens march principle down to us being offended. You can see my response in the photo but just in case you can’t what I point out is that the way Trump talks about women doesn’t offend me it terrifies me.

The way Trump talks about women is not only disrespectful it is a symptom of the patriarchy. He is normalising the belief some men have that women are just there for their gratification. That men’s sexual pleasure is more important than women’s autonomy. They feel justified in policing our bodies. They can do what they want with them but heaven forbid we use them ourselves. Let us not forget that the man who is now the President of the United States once said:

“I did try and fuck her. She was married. I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look. I’ve gotta use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

This is not okay. This is NOT normal, and it should NEVER be treated as if it is. We are NOT chattel, we never were. Someone just decided to treat us that way because it was the only way to exert some form of control.

It is time to say no more. We will not be under your control any longer. We will speak up. We will speak out. We will use our words, our voices, and we will make things different. The womens march is only the start. You will see how far we can go.

 

We are the creatives, the writers, the artists, the musicians…..we are the revolution.

Eroticon Fundraising – Get Me To EroticonUK

Get Me To Writers’ Conference

Below is a link to my Eroticon Fundraising campaign. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do it but needs must.

eroticon fundraising

Eroticon Fundraising

I already have my ticket and I am very excited about attending Eroticon 2017. It’s the first event with a new management team in place, at a new venue, and I think it is going to be a great event.

Events like this can be invaluable to writers as we spend so much time working alone. They can be a great way to spark ideas, and get tips on ways to do things that might help spark inspiration.

I got my ticket months ago (when they first went on sale), and assumed I would be able to book my hotel in January but after a very rough few months work wise I am now struggling to find the money to book a hotel…..and by struggling I mean I have nothing. It is getting very close to time and I need to be booking something very soon. I also have anxiety issues to contend with so finding a hotel where I have my own space, and can go and relax when needed is going to be vital.

I found a budget hotel that is on the same tube line as the event venue, and also has a good nightbus service. It isn’t the nicest hotel ever but it is adequate for what I need, and it is reasonable cheap. The current saver rate is really good but I don’t know how long those prices will last for so it may be that I end up paying the full rate, which is still pretty good for a London hotel.

I have set up a GoFundMe campaign to try and raise the money I need to cover my travel and accommodation costs. If you can help by donating anything at all it will be greatly appreciated. Anything I can raise to help towards the costs will help.

Click to Donate Now!

Please share this post with your friends, etc. I really do need this help to get me to Eroticon.