Female Orgasms – Addressing Women’s Sexuality

Women’s Sexuality

This morning my attention was drawn to a tweet someone shared on twitter about female orgasms. The original post had been retweeted by MissRavenRubies with a good dose of incredulity, understandably so.  The original tweet was from a (female) self-confessed sex researcher and educator, who stated “I don’t believe women have a sex drive – that does not mean that they are not sexual. Women’s responses are primarily emotional.”  Yes, she really did say that. She also said “Cunnilingus does not cause female orgasm. Partly because a woman is not aroused with a lover. But it’s also the wrong stimulation.” So according to her we (as women) can’t orgasm from just physical stimulation (not anywhere), we have to have some sort of emotional or psychological stimulation. And we cannot orgasm from oral because that is wrong stimulations. That may be the case for some women but for others it will not be even vaguely true.

female orgasms

This woman tweeted at Chris (QuietlyKinky) “So where are these women IN THE GENERAL POPULATION who can confirm all these beliefs? Why are they so silent?”  When many female sex bloggers responded to this explaining clearly that they DID orgasm from physical stimulation, etc. She responded not by engaging, and discussing these alternate experiences but by blocking everyone who disagreed with her. Yeah, she’s very “Open ears.”

Female Orgasms

I am going to talk very specifically about myself now, about MY orgasms, MY sexuality, how I come. Just because this is how I come doesn’t mean it is how YOU will come. We are all individuals, who will like different things, and that is totally okay. I am also a CIS woman so my point-of-view will be skewed in that direction.

I used to be quite self-conscious about my orgasms. An ex once described me orgasming as being caught in an earthquake, he also told me he’d never been with someone who orgasmed like me before. What I heard was; “you’re weird in the way you come, your orgasms aren’t normal.”  This made me really anxious about it for a long time. However, I realised that not all women have the same kind of orgasms, and one women can orgasm in many different ways. I should also say I come really easily, and I mean really easily, something I find quite funny because I am such a power queen when it comes to vibrations.

My Orgasms

For me I think there are three types of female orgasms THAT I HAVE;

  • Small clit orgasms – these tend to be the ones I have when I have having a quick speed wank, and just want to….let some steam out of the pot. These usually happen from direct clit stimulation, either the sucking of my Satisfyer Pro 2, or the vibrations of my Doxy or We-Vibe touch. My clit prefers a broader stimulation when it comes to vibrations, nothing too pin point. This type of orgasm usually happens very quickly, I don’t tend to have time to fantasise, it’s a 30-90 second thing.
  • Main orgasms – For me this is a sensation that comes in waves. I literally feel it roll in and crest, and roll in and crest, and roll in and crest, and…..well you get the idea. This is the sort of orgasm that if I am having penetrative sex with an actual cock the person attached will be able to feel me contracting around them. This is the earthquake sensation my ex described. I can do this for hours, at least 10 orgasms isn’t unusual for me. I can have this type of orgasm from both internal and external stimulation. Receiving oral sex generally gives me a combination of this type of orgasm and the small clit orgasms.
  • Squirting orgasms – These are the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced. Everything suddenly becomes very sharply focussed, and then goes very very floaty. When I have this type of orgasm, I become very sensitive to touch afterwards, almost painfully so. I also get very dry, all my natural lubrication disappears for about ten minutes. Squirting usually happens after all the other types of orgasms have happened, and afterwards I need at least ten minutes to ‘come back down’.  It is the closest I’ve ever come to passing out from an orgasm. Fucking amazing.

 

Female Sexuality

On her website the “sex researcher and educator” makes this statement:

The very first time I had sex I knew that something was up. I thought I knew what I could expect to happen. But I felt absolutely zip, zero, nothing. I almost couldn’t believe it. I had already been masturbating myself to orgasm for a year by that time. The two experiences had nothing in common. But over the following months and years, intercourse continued to be non-erotic. I felt like a prostitute acting out a mechanical part: just stimulating a man until he ejaculated. I concluded the whole thing was a hoax. I wasn’t the first woman to be disappointed by the reality of sex.

There is something very sad about this paragraph. I had initially dismissed her a crazy kook, who was peddling a harmful (religiously motivated) agenda. I still think she has an agenda, and I still think her form of ‘sex education’ is harmful, not just to women who will read it . But also to the men who will read it and believe that every woman they’ve had sex with was lying because there is no way they CAN be a good lover and give a woman an orgasm. I think the real tragedy here is that this woman knew how to make her body work but was unable to communicate that need to her sexual partner, and was therefore left disappointed and wanting.

In my experience (and maybe I’ve been very lucky) once you start verbalising to your sexual partner what you want or need, they will happily do their best to please you. Yes, I have had partners that weren’t interested and didn’t care about my pleasure but they were bad partners, there wasn’t anything wrong with me.

The lovely Dawn said this:

female orgasms

This made me start to wonder about the ‘sex educator’. Reading many articles on her site, especially ones about arousal and rape makes me wonder exactly what has happened in this woman’s life that has left her feeling like this. If she truly isn’t aroused by men, could she possibly be aroused by women, or (because she mentions finding all genitalia unarousing) could she be asexual?

Conclusion

A good sex educator needs to be willing to look at experiences other than their own, to give a balanced view on sexuality and sex. This woman seems to only be addressing a heteronormative personal experience and applying it to everyone. Because she couldn’t come using a vibrator, no woman can. because she can’t come from penetrative sex no woman can. Because she can’t come from oral sex no woman can. I have to wonder what exactly she can bring to the discussion.

Ladies however you are having sex, whether you are orgasming or not, if you are enjoying it then it is totally okay. Gents (and ladies) if you are concerned your woman isn’t enjoying sex as much as you’d like her to, talk to her, communicate, find out what else you could be doing. It’s good to ask

My First Time

Squirting.

I’ve already written about my first time having sex today’s post is about the first time I squirted. And yes, I definitely feel it’s a worthy first time to post about.

You see I always kind of thought female ejaculation was a myth. I’d never experienced it, and if any of my friends had they weren’t talking about it so I just figured it was one of those weird myths. The ones that you here and think “who believes that?”

Then just a few years ago (three if we’re being exact) I met this guy. I’ve mentioned him before, the guy I call Mr M (Short for Mr Marvel – what?!? I’m a geek…..and so was he). We met on twitter and had only been chatting for four days before we decided to meet in person. It went great, and we continued seeing each other. We had some really great sex.

It was late summer, he’d finished work early and come over. I’d made my lemon garlic chicken, it had been marinating for a few hours and when he arrived I was just putting it in the oven to roast. I’d barely close the oven door when he was behind me, arms wrapping around me so his hands could cup my tits. I turned my head back to kiss him, and as he squeezed me, pinching my nipples through my shirt I grabbed his arse pulling him into me so I could feel his cock hard against my butt. It was clear what was on his mind when his hand slipped into my shorts, pushing my pants aside and running a finger along my cunt, while he kissed me. We’d been sexting all afternoon and I was more than ready. It took very little time before I was coming around his fingers, my knees giving slightly as I gripped the counter.

We managed to find our way to the bedroom leaving a trail of my clothing, he’d felt a need to get me as naked as possible while he was still in his jeans and tee. He’d sat me on the edge of the bed while he lavished attention on my tits; pinching, sucking, tasting, licking, teasing. I was wiggling and moaning when he finally pushed me back on the bed and turned his attention back to the part of me that had been throbbing and dripping since he walked in. It was somewhere around my 8th orgasm that it happened. He was like a man on a mission, and I was enjoying all the orgasms. I was feeling very relaxed and in the moment, my hands clutching the sheets while I moaned, and then I wasn’t sure what happened but I came so hard I swear I almost blacked out. It was the most intense orgasm I’d ever had. I do remember yelling “oh fuck yes.” Then not speaking or moving for at least a minute, while I tried to catch my breath. When I finally got myself back together, he was stroking my inner thigh and grinning at me.
I smiled at him and asked “What was that?”
Still grinning he said “You just squirted. Have you never done that before?”
I giggled as I told him, “No but I’m more than willing to do it again.”

And I did……..more than once.

Bad Girl Blogger Award

BadGirls

The lovely KatieButterfly over at Katie Laid Bare nominated me for the Bad Girl Blogger Award, as well as putting me in some very illustrious company she also said some very lovely things about my blog. I never think my writing is good enough, so to hear how much someone whose opinion I really respect enjoys it and thinks well of it made my heart a little bit lighter.

I blog because it’s a way to write, I write because I have to. For me writing is like breathing, necessary to life. I am always happier and more content when I am writing. When my depression is bad and I am unable to write I find it very hard to pull myself out of the black hole of despair until I can start writing again, and once I break the dam, I find the words pour out of me, escaping from the bottle they’ve been held in while depression was running the show.  Blogging is a good way to keep me writing, in fact the recent lack of posts on here was due to my writing time being monopolised elsewhere (uni work) but I love writing this blog, interacting with readers on twitter, and also the fantastic sense of welcome and warmth there is in the sex-blogging community. Not to mention networking (hate that word) with some amazing writers. So while I don’t write my blog for awards or accolades, it still give me a happy feeling to know my writing is liked.

So, in keeping with the spirit of this award, I now need to nominate my own selection of fellow “Bad Girls”, here they are, in no particular order…

  • Girl on the Net – The fabulous Girl on the Net was my first introduction to sex loggers, I read her book and blog long before (ok a month before) I discovered the rest of the sex blogging community. She may not know me (or my blog) but I am very grateful she chose t pave the way for my blog with hers.
  • Oleander Plume – The wonderful Oleander Plume from Poison Pen Dirty Mind. Not only does she write some amazingly hot and sexy erotica but she is a lovely lady as well. Really supportive and welcoming, she has been a great help (and cheerleader) for me this last few months while I’ve been trying to balance uni, blogging, and life. Can’t say how much her help has meant.
  • F Leonora Solomon – An excellent writer whose Wicked Wednesday entries I always look forward to.  The lovely lady is also an editor and very encouraging about my writing. Which reminds me, I still owe her a story about handymen and cherries……it’s coming one day, I promise.
  • Malin James – An insightful and exciting writer whose blog is full of smart sassy posts. I wish I could write with as much clarity and awareness as this lady does…….an she makes it interesting. Her blog always engages me. I don’t offten comment on blogs but more often than not her posts inspire me to comment.
  • Charlie Powell – The ever delightful Charlie from SexBlogofSorts. Always has an interesting take on what’s happening, great stories and anecdotes, and some gorgeous Sinful Sunday entries, even when she is struggling emotionally she manages to write the most beautiful and honest posts.

 

RULES: If you are a recipient, please choose 3-5 female bloggers who write about sex (or post sexy pics of themselves, or both) that you admire and award them by passing on the award photo above and the rules.  Also, give a brief explanations of why you love those bloggers so much.  Be sure to notify your favourite bloggers that they got the award!

Sometimes I think…

Sometimes when I’m alone I think about you.

I think about the things I want you to do to me; your hands on my tits, your mouth on my nipples, fingers stroking my pussy, tongue teasing my clit, fingers slipping inside me, cock head teasing my opening, fucking me hard.

The things I want to do to you; play with your nipples, find out how sensitive they are, tease them with my tongue, nip them with my teeth, stroke your cock into hardness, sucking the head until you squirm and then riding you until we both come.

The things I want you to watch some well-hung guy do to me. The things I want to see that same well-hung guy do to you. I think about you watching him fuck me,  muffling my moans with your cock, letting him fuck me until I come, and then me watching while you suck his cock, tasting my juices mixed with his precum, lapping every last bit, sucking him and swallowing every drop as he comes in your mouth. Kissing you hard as I lie on my back while he tastes me, starting at my nipples and working down, slowly nibbling and sucking as I wiggle under his touch, you watching and stroking yourself, moving him aside so you can fuck me. Then he starts stroking your back, his hands working lower until he is massaging your ass, the moment of surprise on you face as he works lube around your ass, and your moan as he slowly works a finger into you, then another, your greedy look as you hear him rolling on a condom, your teeth biting my shoulder as he finally starts sliding his cock into you. Slowly testing, stretching. And the moment he pauses and you begin moving again, sliding back onto him, the forward into me, back and forth, until suddenly he is grabbing you and as he rams into you I feel you push into me, hitting my g-spot, again and again as he bangs into you, until I orgasm hard around you. Feeling you tense and twitch in me as you come and relax against me. And finally his yell as he shudders into you, and relaxes. Lying in a heap, recovering until we’re ready to go again.

Anywhere but here…..

Did you ever play that game anywhere but here? You think of a place you’d rather be than where you are, my version has become rather more grown up. 😉

I’d be somewhere hot and sunny, I’m thinking the kind of place where the sand is white and the sea is that impossible shade of aqua blue. It’s siesta time and I’m in my room, the windows are open with shutters closed, and the fan on the ceiling keeping it comfortable. I’m lying face down on a huge bed with white cotton sheets, there’s a thick fluffy towel under me, and a sexy bloke is drizzling some kind of oil over my back and legs. He puts the oil down and starts to work all the tension out of my neck, shoulders, back, arse, and legs. And just when I am so relaxed I feel like I’m going to melt into a puddle he turns me over and starts work on my front; shoulders, chest, down my torso, stopping just as he gets to the interesting part  and moving down to my feet, then up my legs smoothing the oil all over my thighs.

I wiggle slightly, adjusting position and allow air to cool the throbbing in my cunt. Then he parts my legs and gently strokes along the inside of my thighs, moving up to my stomach and back down, grazing his hand over my pussy, smoothing downwards as his thumb teases my clit. The stepping backwards to lean down, softly kissing my breasts, flicking his tongue over my nipples before placing butterfly kisses down my body, pausing at my pussy to kiss my lips, sliding his tongue between them, tasting me. Then flicking at my clit with the tip of his tongue. Moving his mouth around it, sucking and nibbling, as he pushes a finger inside me, quickly adding a second, curling them to hit my g-spot. Sucking hard on my clit until I come, clenching around his fingers. He keeps his fingers working inside me, bringing me back to orgasm so I come again, squirting over his hand.

He laps it up, flattening his tongue to rub against my pussy as he swallows my juices. He works his mouth back up my body, pausing to tease my nipples, until I am arching my back pushing my breasts into his face, then he moves up kissing me so deeply I can taste myself. I slip my hand down to feel him hard and ready, and still kissing I guide him into me. He meets my eye and starts rocking slowly letting my orgasm build again, and I come hard, legs tightening around him holding him inside me, as my cunt grips him, and I feel him come inside me, filling me.