A Personal Post
As a person it sucks when you end up having to think of yourself in mathematical terms, when something happens to you so often that you manage to reduce yourself to being the common denominator.
You know that thing where something happens once and you think, was it something I did? Then it happens with someone else and you think, maybe it is something I did wrong. Then it happens again and you sit yourself down to start analysing because at this point YOU are the common denominator. It must be something you’re doing.
It always starts the same way; good conversation, a few jokes, a laugh, and some flirting. They tell you they care. Make you feel like you are important to them. They break down your barriers, you let them in, then just when YOU really start to care about them, they shift the goalposts. Oh I have a girlfriend, sorry I’m actually married, did I mention xyz?
And you don’t see it coming because it is so left-field. It goes from YOU being the person they talk to every day, the person they say good morning and goodnight to, to you being someone they message every few weeks if that. You go from being someone they care about to someone who doesn’t even factor in their life. And that hurts.
It’s the fact that in the beginning they were obviously spinning a line, and you were stupid enough to believe it. Why couldn’t you see that it was just something they were saying. You’d rather they were just honest, you’re a grown-up, if all they want is to get in your pants a few times, maybe just say that. Don’t bullshit about being friends, about how much you care when the honest truth is you’re just looking for someone it is convenient to fuck while there’s no other acceptable options. In all fairness generally speaking, we like sex so chances are we would be into that but be fair with us. We deserve to know that’s what it is before getting emotionally invested in things. If there’s a time limit on the…….”friendship” just let us know.
If we’re actually friends, maybe you could try being our friend. Be there for us, let us be there for you. Talk to us, not just when you NEED something but just because. Especially if that’s how things were in the beginning. And if that’s done, if we’re not friends, then tell us, don’t keep us hanging. When these things happen over and over we are going to start asking ourselves, what am I doing that is making this something that happens? I am the common denominator so I must be doing something to cause this.
I don’t want to be one of those people who never trusts, even though I know I already have trust barriers people have to get through but every time this sort of thing happens, it breaks me just a little bit more. I feel myself sliding a little bit further towards being the person who can’t ever trust……because if you don’t let them in they can’t hurt you.