So last time I was talking about my history with men and sex I left it, right after mentioning the lying cheating scumbag (sorry it just escapes occasionally) I last got naked with. But I sort of skipped over a large portion of time. After the third of the abusive ex’s I was single for five years, there were a couple of very disastrous one-night stands in that time, none of which did anything to help with my confidence issues…..or to help alleviate the ‘I-really-need-a-good-fuck’ feeling. I slowly withdrew from, well from life really. I stopped doing all the things I used to love; going out, seeing friends, going to conventions (I’m a geek girl remember), book groups, tabletop game nights. I just pulled back from everything. I put myself in a little bubble; I gained weight, lost fitness, lost confidence, and somewhere along the way I lost me.
I forgot that all the things I loved were part of what made me, me. So I sopped talking about them unless it was with someone I knew would get it. Then I met Mr. M (that’s what my friends named him), we met through friends and just clicked. We went to the cinema, talked geeky stuff over coffee, and in a remarkably short time got naked together. I think I’d met him once before, and known him (we’d been chatting by text) just four days the first we got naked. We’d spent the previous four hours chatting over coffee, the conversation becoming more and more suggestive, so because neither of us wanted to rush things we decided to go for a drive, less chance of things turning naughty when you’re out in public. Unfortunately, it was 1am and everywhere we went was silent, we ended up parked down a dirt road overlooking the airport and watching planes taking off and landing. We had 80’s rock on the stereo and sat talking, then he leaned over and kissed me. It was like the dam had broken and suddenly, we were both topless, scrabbling at each others waistbands while kissing like there was no tomorrow. It was a 15 minute hands, mouths, slippery, sticky mess, including one comedy moment when I hit the horn with my arse (there’s much less space in the front seat of an Audi than you think). But it was glorious, I was grinning for the next two days. I couldn’t get enough of him, and the feeling seemed mutual, we’d spend all day texting (sexting really), then hours in bed; laughing, talking, exploring. Emerging only for work and to find food…..and coffee, sleep was for the weak. He made me realise that I could be a geeky girl, and still be attractive, that I was sexy, that I was good at sex, I could give a blow job, and I could have fun (he also introduced me to the wonder of squirting – it was like a hallelujah chorus).
I have a lot to thank him for in that respect, and despite everything I am grateful for having known him. Do I wish he had been honest, yes, but if he had I wouldn’t have had the ‘awakening’ I did. And I might still be trapped in that fog. I would never have had the nerve, or strength to start this blog, let alone flash my naked chest to the entire internet. It’s funny how things happen in life, despite him breaking my heart I am very glad I got to have him, even if only for a little while.
I can’t wait to see who comes along next. 🙂