Guest Post by Laura
Today’s guest post is a fantastic article on “The Feminist Sub” by Laura from School of Squirt. As always with my guest posts, I have applied only minimal editing for SEO purposes.
The Feminist Sub –
Why It’s Possible to be Empowered AND Subservient
Women today can find empowerment in places where it simply didn’t exist a decade ago. Young girls are encouraged to explore their talents in maths and science more often. As they grow up opportunities in higher education and employment are more plentiful than ever before. The Suffragettes and Feminists of the 1960s would no doubt be proud of just how far women have come in terms of independence, confidence and autonomy.
But what would they think about women who choose to be submissive? Can you be a feminist sub? This is a question raised by women across the political and philosophical spectrum. Can a woman be a feminist and still be submissive to her sexual partner?
Some women know early on there’s an allure to being submissive while others discover it somewhat by accident. A woman who may be experienced in variations of vanilla sex may be happy with her sex life. Right up until the moment a partner switches things up, dominating her and causing her first squirting orgasm. Then suddenly, everything changes.
In her review of Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler’s A Feminist Dictionary, writer Marie Shear made history when she declared “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.” Since then, this basic principle has become the foundation upon which modern feminism was born. Today’s feminists want equality, justice and to simply be seen as a person instead of a sexual object.
Until they get to the bedroom. For many women, the allure of submitting themselves to the wishes and desires of another person is their sexual ideal. For these women, balancing their daytime persona as independent, intelligent and confident women alongside their sexual desires to be submissive can be a bit tricky.
But at its core, feminism is about women taking control of their own lives. That includes pursuing higher education, careers that are driven by their passion and any other goal they’ve set for themselves. It also means taking control of their sex lives; knowing what they want and what they need to achieve earth shattering orgasms.
Taking control and determining what you want means embracing that submissive side. This can be a difficult process for women who have fought hard for their independence and respect from peers, but being a submissive doesn’t diminish a woman’s accomplishments outside her bedroom. They can, in fact, bolster those achievements. They can be a feminist sub.
Being a submissive is about more than simply agreeing to everything asked of you by a dominant partner. When a submissive gets together with a dominant partner they hash out what’s acceptable, what’s not, and how a submissive can signal to her dominant that she isn’t okay with something. This is most commonly done with a safe word but some couples include non-verbal signals or a mix of both which are used depending on how much the submissive objects. Ultimately, this places power in the submissive’s hands as she has the ability to bring the dominant (and submissive power exchange) to a screeching halt.
Being willing to give up your free will and submit to another person is no casual endeavour. The women who choose this life do so with the understanding that their trust will not be misplaced and that their partner will respect their boundaries. While the BDSM world is often linked to abuse, the fact is BDSM couples have more respect and better communication in couple hood than many of their so-called ‘mainstream’ peers.
In 2013, a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who engaged in BDSM shared a number of startling characteristics. BDSM fans were:
- less neurotic
- more outgoing and confident
- more likely to try new things
- more conscientious
- better able to handle rejection
At the end of the day, engaging in a submissive role isn’t a declaration of how a woman sees herself in general. Instead, it’s like having any other sort of kink – it’s an expression of her own sexuality. That means she owns and controls it just like any other part of her life, even when that control presents as submission. This doesn’t make her any less of a feminist – it just makes her a person who is confident enough to know when she wants something different; a feminist sub.
“When Laura isn’t writing about sex, she’s reading about it. Yes, the word obsessed springs to mind. She runs the blog School of Squirt with her partner, where they advocate squirting as part of a healthy sex life. The few times that sex isn’t on her mind each day will be during a yoga session or preparing/munching on some healthy food.”