My post today, Half Night Stands was written in conjunction with Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you. When they approached me asking me to write a dating article on Half Night Stands vs One Night Stands I was intrigued. I’d never heard the phrase before but it made a certain kind of sense to me. When I thought about it properly I realised I’ve had more half night stands than I have one night stands.
Half Night Stands
I don’t know about anyone else but for me the only reason I have “the swiping app” is for sex. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a dating app as such, more an easy way to facilitate a hook-up. There’s no need to pretend it’s anything else. If I have an itch that needs scratching it is the perfect solution. It’s like having sex on tap. I can activate my profile (I don’t keep it active all the time) in the morning, and pretty much have a date for that afternoon. I’m not saying any of the guys I hook up with this way are people I can have great conversations with but when I’m doing this I’m not looking for quality chit chat. What I’m looking for is sex, not the cuddle and fall asleep afterwards kind but the fast and furious I need to get off kind.
These hook-ups are usually referred to as one night stands, even though they often don’t last a whole night. So, when I heard the term half night stand it made me smile. There’s nothing wrong with one night stands, and sometimes I do want to be able to cuddle, fall asleep together, and then have morning sex. However, I am a terrible sleeper; I am restless, I wake up constantly, I move around, I talk, I wheeze, I have nightmares (and occasional night terrors). Throw in the anxiety of sharing a bed with a ‘new person’ and it does not go well. So for me someone who leaves after the sex is done is kind of perfect. They leave and I still get to have a good night’s sleep……well as good as I ever do. This also works well for me because I can have someone over for a session during the day while my housemates are out. This means I’m not causing them any discomfort at having a stranger in the house with them. When I’m away from home I like to have an early evening session, so I have the rest of the evening to relax before bed…or sometimes so I can go out.
The first time I had a half night stand, met up with someone purely for sex, I was very nervous. It went against so much that I had been ‘taught’ was right. Society would consider me a slut (and they would say it in a negative way), they would think I was easy, with loose morals. I still get anxious about the meeting, it still feels like I should be looking for more of a connection but I no longer care what people (or society) think of me. I don’t feel like I am good at relationships, things always seem to go wrong and I end up getting hurt. To protect myself I try to close off my emotions but I still sometimes need sex. The kind that involves human contact, I don’t want to get emotionally involved, I just want sex with someone warm and willing. As long as I am being safe I don’t see anything wrong with that. Women are just as sexual as men (despite society trying to tell us otherwise), and wanting to have sex just for pleasure is totally okay.
The first few times I arranged a half night stand I tried to be subtle about it, not really being specific, just beating around the bush as it were. I realised very quickly that it worked better if I was just upfront about it. Other than basic niceties (saying hello, etc) I didn’t want to chat. The things I felt were important (sexual health status, hard limits, soft limits, likes/dislikes) were discussed via message before we met up, and a time limit for the meet up was set. No more than three hours, agree to wear a condom (which I always provide due to latex allergy issues), and finally not just willing but enthusiastic about going down on me.
It took doing it a few times before I got into a proper rhythm, it was important to be confident about giving direction. When you have a three hour time limit, you need to be sure you are both enjoying yourself, and that you are both getting what you wanted out of the hook-up. This leads me to the really good thing about half night stands, if it’s not working for either of you it is easy to cut your losses and walk away, all you’ve lost is an hour or two at most. You don’t have to lie there unfulfilled while they fall asleep, and desperately trying to figure out how to decline morning sex without them getting mad.
I like the simplicity I find in half night stands, there is no illusion about what you are there for. There is no need to pretend you will call. No need to make small talk. Or act like you care about their plans for the future. For me it is purely about the physical act of sex, it is about attending to an itch that my sex toy collection can’t always scratch.
I definitely prefer half night stands to one night stands, even when they don’t happen at night.
You can read more of my dating tales here.