Home is where the heart is.
Pliny the Elder
For me home was never a place, home was my Dad. Wherever he was that was home, even if it wasn’t where I lived it was still home. Since he died I have been looking for that again; for somewhere (or rather someone) to call home. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not looking for a father figure, I’m just looking for someone I can trust, someone I can put my faith in, someone who will have my back no matter what.
Unfortunately my radar for the right type of guy is apparently completely borked. There have been two guys in the last three years; one of them I was with for months, and it was just after the realisation that I loved him I found out he was living with someone, and had been for years. It broke my heart. Then I found out he was telling lies about me, telling people they shouldn’t talk to me, all because he was worried I’d tell his missus (or someone he was now trying to con) the truth.
The other guy was very recently; we’d been chatting for months and finally met in person, we seemed to get along well, and had some fun, then all of a sudden he just disappeared. He closed his twitter and told me to contact him via whatsapp, then two days later he stopped replying to my messages, and was showing as having not logged in, so I’m thinking he blocked me. We’d had a conversation about people who come into our lives and then just vanish, he’d had exes do it and I had too, and we agreed if either of us wanted out of it we would just be honest. Apparently I was the only one who meant what they were promising. I was (am) hurt, and yes I cried about it but more for the potential of what might have been. It was still new and even though I kept telling myself not to get too excited I really did like him, and I felt like there was potential there for it to be something good. So the complete dismissal of me and my feelings really did hurt. It’s as if he never really saw me as a person with feelings and emotions, just someone to scratch an itch.
So the search for home continues. And if the next guy doesn’t communicate, jerks me around, and breaks my heart I might just give up altogether.