There are opportunities all around us, if only we care to look and pay attention. Those opportunities might be anything you can think of… meeting new people, visiting new places, helping someone, experiencing something new… and many more! Have you recently seen an opportunity and taken advantage of it? Or maybe you’ve seen it, but let it go by? Or maybe there is an opportunity you are waiting for? Tell us about your opportunities…
I started writing this a few times. I was going to write a flash fiction piece about a young woman who regrets a missed opportunity to tell someone how she felt about them because she was waiting for the right time. She was waiting for them to be ready for a relationship (and the story will probably still appear at some point).
However, the harder I tried to write the piece the less the words came out, and the more I thought about all the missed opportunities I had over time because I was waiting for something. Waiting to be thinner, waiting to have more money, waiting until anything. But was I really waiting or was that just something I told myself because I was scared to do the things.
The first time I told myself I was ‘too fat’ and should wait until I was slimmer, I wish I’d bought the outfit I’d been looking at because I know now I would still have rocked the fuck out of it. Okay, part of me does also wish I was still as ‘fat’ as I was that first time I told myself I was too fat because in all honesty I wasn’t fat. And in part I blame my weight (and body) issues now on all the stupid diets I kept trying to do, I never really seemed to lose weight on them. Not overall. I would lose weight at first, then put it back on, with a bit more on top. If I’d loved myself even a little bit back then, and not told myself I was ‘too fat’ for things, I would probably have got back into playing sports once my shoulder healed, and not have the problems I have now.
I didn’t date for a long time when I was younger because I’d broken up with my first boyfriend, injured myself playing sports, and gained some weight. I felt like I didn’t deserve a nice boyfriend, which explains a lot about the two emotionally abusive pieces of trash I ended up dating after that. I missed a lot of opportunities because I just didn’t think the guys I liked would like me back.
I’m much better now. I very rarely let my size stop me doing things. I do still really struggle to motivate myself to do sport or exercise because society has programmed me to believe I am ‘too fat’ to do that, and if I try everyone will be watching and judging me. Whether or not this is true it is how it all feels sometimes but I don’t let it stop me, I found things I love doing and I do those regardless of whether anyone is looking. I rarely allow myself to think “I’m too fat for that”. I know my size is not indicative of ability to do something, it’s also not a sign of my fitness level. I have a friend who is this teeny girl, very slim (and always has been), she eats so much more crap than I do. But if we’re out together she gets tired from walking way sooner than I do. Being slimmer doesn’t mean being fitter.
Do I still have missed opportunities though? Yes I do, not because of my size but because of me. Because of being scared. Because of thinking I’m not good enough. I lose opportunities because I’m afraid to speak up. Because when I’ve spoken up it has been ignored, pushed aside, or ‘shouted’ down. Or it just hasn’t been heard. Considering I’m a writer I really struggle to find the words to say things that I need to say. The things that matter to me are so much more difficult to speak out loud. Please hire me to write this article for you. Please consider dating me. Would you like to get a drink. I miss you so much it breaks my heart. Please sponsor my website. Please. Please. Please. Anything where I need people to listen to me, to “buy” me. I struggle with.
For me missed opportunities are just the things I regret not doing, and I am working on not building more regrets.
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