My Mask

This post is a little different from the stuff I normally post but I had words I needed to say and this feels like the right place to say them.

I’m not one of those people who really talks about stuff. I seem like I am and as anyone who knows me will tell you I often overshare but when it comes to the really important stuff I keep it close. That being said most people will say I’m an open book, and I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve but I’m very skilled at smiling and telling you what you want to hear.

Having suffered from depression since I was fifteen, I am very good at putting on a brave face. At pretending I am doing just fine. I’m so good at it that my ex missed the fact I was suicidal, so good that none of my ‘family’ (and I use that word very loosely) ever knew about my attempt, so good that when i moved I convinced my shrink to discharge me rather than transferring me.

I was thinking today about that mask. About how I chat, and laugh, and flirt, and say all the right things, the expected things, but it’s not real it’s a screen. I feel like most of the time there’s only that facade. It’s not really me, it’s just the mask I show the world.

Sex is one of the few times I don’t feel I have to put on a ‘front’, I like it, I enjoy it, and I have fun. I don’t have to pretend or fake it. I can just be in the moment and savour the feeling. It’s relaxing……and not just in the obvious way but in a “I can lose the mask and just be” sort of way. And afterwards, the post-coital haze, always feels like a safe place to just chat and be yourself.

Maybe it’s not just the sex I crave but that feeling of being able to really truly relax. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE the sex, i really really love the sex. But I like that feeling too. And if you really want to know me maybe it’s the only way to do it.

6 thoughts on “My Mask

  1. Hi HornyGeekGirl. I am a horny experienced in the oral arts of Yoni Massage and clitoral and gspot orgasms. I am a older man. I enjoyed your blog. I think you are very curvy and sexy and will to say you like sex and so do I. Let’s talk sometime and maybe hook up. Don

    • This is NOT an appropriate comment. You’re being very polite but it’s not okay to proposition a stranger for sex.

  2. Does the Mask thing hamper you from actually being yourself? I mean I dont act or become one person to please.. I would rather I be me and the choice people will often love me for who I am.. but the mask idea.. It kind of doesnt feel good to me.

  3. I wear my mask far too many times too… smiling, laughing and seemingly enjoying without really feeling it, but knowing it’s expected of me. Thankfully there are moments when I can really be myself, and that indeed is mostly during sex too…

    Rebel xox

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