Life is like a bunch of puzzle pieces that we are constantly trying to fit together to make the perfect puzzle.
Come share your sexy stories…
I’ve suffered from clinical depression and anxiety since I was 15. My first incident only really lasted a few weeks, I didn’t need medication, just had some time off school to help me ‘get better’. My next episode was when I was 26, it was a pretty bad one. It was mostly caused by a highly stressful job where nothing you did was appreciated and the HR department were constantly changing the rules on hours, and trying to move you around teams and departments. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. My GP signed me off, prescribed me some medication, and sent me to see a counsellor. The time between those episodes (15-26 years) I felt like I developed as a person; I knew who I was, my character, what I liked, etc. The depression and anxiety stole those things from me, it turned me into a person I didn’t recognize.
I felt like I had all these pieces of my personality but I didn’t know how they fit together any more. Quite often they didn’t feel like they did. They were random dots of me but spread out all over, like puzzle pieces scattered over a table. But before I could fix myself I needed to find the corners, to “look for the blue bits” (quote from Man Up film). Each time I thought I’d found one something would happen and it would drift away. Then a few months ago things came to a head in an unexpected way. Something I thought was good turned out to actually be toxic, after I got over the shock I found out a few new things about myself. And in finding those things I found the corners, I pieced together the edges. The puzzle pieces started slotting into place.
I found my way back to my spiritual beliefs. When my depression and anxiety got really bad I lost my way, drifted away from the path. Even though when asked I would still say I followed an earth based religion I’d stopped practising. I’d packed most of my stuff away, sold all my books. And now I’m coming out of the depression again, I feel more like the old me, the me I was when I was early 20s full of curiosity, and confidence, I knew who I was and what I believed. I’m starting to feel like that again.