Puzzle Pieces – Wicked Wednesday Personal Post

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 29th post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, Puzzle Pieces. You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

Puzzle pieces

Life is like a bunch of puzzle pieces that we are constantly trying to fit together to make the perfect puzzle.

Come share your sexy stories…

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Puzzle Pieces

I’ve suffered from clinical depression and anxiety since I was 15.  My first incident only really lasted a few weeks, I didn’t need medication, just had some time off school to help me ‘get better’. My next episode was when I was 26, it was a pretty bad one.  It was mostly caused by a highly stressful job where nothing you did was appreciated and the HR department were constantly changing the rules on hours, and trying to move you around teams and departments. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. My GP signed me off, prescribed me some medication, and sent me to see a counsellor.  The time between those episodes (15-26 years) I felt like I developed as a person; I knew who I was, my character, what I liked, etc. The depression and anxiety stole those things from me, it turned me into a person I didn’t recognize.

I felt like I had all these pieces of my personality but I didn’t know how they fit together any more. Quite often they didn’t feel like they did. They were random dots of me but spread out all over, like puzzle pieces scattered over a table. But before I could fix myself I needed to find the corners, to “look for the blue bits” (quote from Man Up film). Each time I thought I’d found one something would happen and it would drift away. Then a few months ago things came to a head in an unexpected way. Something I thought was good turned out to actually be toxic, after I got over the shock I found out a few new things about myself. And in finding those things I found the corners, I pieced together the edges. The puzzle pieces started slotting into place.

I found my way back to my spiritual beliefs. When my depression and anxiety got really bad I lost my way, drifted away from the path. Even though when asked I would still say I followed an earth based religion I’d stopped practising. I’d packed most of my stuff away, sold all my books. And now I’m coming out of the depression again, I feel more like the old me, the me I was when I was early 20s full of curiosity, and confidence, I knew who I was and what I believed. I’m starting to feel like that again.

Funnily enough as that feeling started returning I found the box with all my things in. I got out my tarot cards, rune stones, and altar totems, and they felt comfortable in my hands. Around the same time a few people came into my life who were also ‘involved’ in Earth based religions. It’s strange how the universe moves things together. 🙂
I’m feeling so good at the moment. I’m down to smallest dose of my antidepressants once every three days, hopefully should be off them completely soon. It’s taken a long time but I feel like I’m finally crawling out of a deep dark hole. I know I’ll still have bad days, and maybe in the future the black dog will come back but right now I feel like I’m ‘winning the battle’. ☺

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Puzzle Pieces – Wicked Wednesday Personal Post

  1. Good for you and yes isn’t interesting how worlds seem to align sometimes and deliver people into your life just when the time was right

    Mollyxxx

  2. Pingback: Prompt #225: Shadows - Wicked Wednesday & more

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