Still Broken – Wicked Wednesday #12

Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to my 12th post for Rebel’s Notes‘ Wicked Wednesday, Still Broken. You don’t have to use the prompt but I like the inspiration, and challenge. The prompt for this week was:

For this week’s prompt I will just leave this quote with you…

Still Broken

We are all broken that’s how the light gets in

Update: Even though the image says that the quote is by Hemingway, this might not be entirely true.

Image source

 

Still Broken

He mumbles in his sleep, and reaches to pull me closer, his arm drapes over my waist, his hand resting on my stomach. I lie awake hardly daring to breathe, I want to sleep but I daren’t close my eyes. What if I fall asleep and when I wake up he’s gone?

It’s taken me forever to get here. To feel like this. But part of me still doesn’t believe it. I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because so many times in the past that’s what has happened. Everything is great, I think it’s working and then it falls apart.

I’ve had great sex when I was in love, that ended when it turned out all we actually had was great sex, and although I loved him he definitely didn’t love me. In fact he’d been lying to me for six months…….but the sex was really good. Really really good.

I’ve had bad sex, and I mean truly terrible sex, when I thought it was a situation that had potential. When you meet someone and the chemistry is phenomenal, and everything is going great, and then the sex is just terrible. There’s no connection, no fire, no possibility.

I’ve had okay sex, when it was just about sex. Sex that was had because I wanted it. It was fun, I enjoyed it but it didn’t rock my world. It scratched an itch, and answered some questions I had. It also helped me see that sex for the sake of it can be a lot of fun. You don’t have to be in love to have sex without it sucking.

I’ve had the kind of sex that you only have when you’re young and in love. That heady, can’t eat, can’t sleep, my whole body is burning for you sex. The kind that you remember through rose-coloured glasses. That is always good in your memory.

I’ve also had great sex with a friend, that was just about great sex. The kind that makes you want to set off fireworks, send up balloons, and dance with pompoms. The kind that makes you crave more. It’s not about love; it’s about a connection, about being something that the other needs, about being friends. About fucking amazing sex. About trusting someone to see a side of you you’ve never shared. About trusting someone and being able to explore without pressure or judgement.

In the last 18 months my life has changed a lot. It’s needed to change. I’ve needed to change. For the most part I’m ready for what’s coming next. I don’t know what that is. Or what is going to happen. But I know I’m ready for some fun. I don’t think my future is going to look anything like I imagined it would even just a year ago.

Maybe I’m still broken but I’m ready to let in the light.

 

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still broken

8 thoughts on “Still Broken – Wicked Wednesday #12

  1. I love how you classify the different kinds of sex you had, how rational you talk about it. It’s great that you’re ready to let the light in 🙂

    Rebel xox

    • Thanks. It’s the part of me that seems to be…..awakening. The part that seems to be lighting up. And that’s a start. 🙂 xox

  2. “I’ve had the kind of sex that you only have when you’re young and in love. That heady, can’t eat, can’t sleep, my whole body is burning for you sex. The kind that you remember through rose-coloured glasses. That is always good in your memory.”
    I often discuss how young love is different: brighter and somehow nothing will ever compare because of its brightness that is only viewed when young. It’s so nice to read about another also stating that it’s “only when you’re young”.

  3. it is funny how life can change so much from what we thought it would be. I know when Michael moved here I suddenly realised that my life really was going to be very different from how had imaged it would be.

    Mollyxxx

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