2016 Review

A Round Up of the Year

Welcome to my 2016 Review. This round-up of HornyGeekGirl’s year was inspired by the wonderful RebelsNotes’ post on her top 20 blogs of 2016. I’ve included info I got from my stats page as well my personal thoughts on the year for me. I have also included some the posts I remember reading this year from other bloggers.

2016 Review

2016 Review

I’ve had a really strange year. Personally not so great, and yet again I am finding myself cast in the role of the amazing disposable girl. At this point I really think it must be me, I did as much as I could not to repeat the same mistakes, and yet still find myself ending up in the same place. Not sure what I can do differently going forward, and not sure I can be bothered to keep fighting for people who wouldn’t do the same for me. On the plus side, I have some great friends, and reconnected with one of my best friends, despite feeling this time last year that we had drifted apart. I am actually doing pretty well despite the bad personal things, and people I trusted letting me down, I feel I am happy overall.

Also I finally dyed my hair PURPLE something I have wanted to do since I was 16 but was never able to do because of having jobs where I wasn’t allowed. I LOVE IT!!!!  And it feels like me.

Professionally I finally realised that what I always wanted to do with my life was to write. To do that I needed to stop listening to the people who said writing was just a hobby, and to take charge of making it my career. I stopped trying to find a job in an office (that I knew would end up making me ill) and took a huge leap into the unknown. I went freelance. This year has been a roller-coaster, and I still have a long way to go but I am writing for a living. I am living at least the start of my dream. Next goal is being able to afford to live alone again.

Blog Posts I loved

This post is in no specific order; they’re just posts I enjoyed reading this year, that stayed with me, or that I connected with. I hope you’ll consider giving them a read. This 2016 Review list is shorter than I intended because some blogs don’t have a ‘calendar’ archive, and I couldn’t find the post I wanted to share.

  • This post from GirlontheNet really spoke to me. It’s not even the best thing she wrote this year (so give her archives a good going over) but it has stuck with me.
  • Cara‘s post on whether we really do need Adult Sex Education was a great piece written for Adult Sex Ed Month.
  • This post on rape from ScrewTaboo. In all fairness I could have linked to a number of the posts in this series from the lovely lady behind this blog but the one I’ve chosen has links to all the individual posts. The post on revictimisation is especially important to addressing why it often happens multiple times to one person.
  • This post from Emmie at UnsignedMe. As a fellow depression sufferer I always appreciate hearing/reading other people’s views on living with mental illness. And this one is a great reminder that we need to be kinder to ourselves, and if we have to take meds to be ourselves, that’s okay.
  • This post from NotSOSexintheCity made me laugh quite a lot because they are exactly the sort of things I find myself saying when I go through profiles on dating apps. Superficial but just what many of us think.
  • This post on processing his ropes from CharlieForrest was gorgeous. I felt like I was there. I’d never been interested in rope before really but the way he talks about it makes me want to experience how they feel tight against my skin.
  • This post from RemittanceGirl written after Brexit summed up how I was feeling, in a way I was struggling to do myself. I felt so much anger and disappointment around the result of the referendum, and the subsequent reaction of the side that ‘won’.
  • This post on Body Positivity from Emma on EssaysAndWine. It’s something I try to do and struggle with and it is great to hear other people talking about it, especially when they do it so eloquently.

General Stats

  • Overall have had a 36.21% increase in my views from 2015
  • Average daily views have gone from 195 per day to 248 per day
  • HGG has been viewed from 165 different countries around the World
  • I wrote 47 more posts in 2016 than in 2015
  • Post likes saw a percentage growth of 327.12% (how crazy is that???)
  • My average monthly views have increased by around 20% from Jan to Dec

Top 5 Viewing Countries

  • United States – 43%
  • United Kingdom – 23.5%
  • Canada – 5.7%
  • Australia – 4.5%
  • Germany – 2.4%

Top 5 Search Terms

  • Masturbation Monday
  • Horny Geek Girl
  • Satisfyer Pro 2
  • Masturbation Stories
  • Finger Fucking

Top 5 Review Posts

Top 5 Articles

Top 5 Erotica

Top 5 Referrers

For this section I am only counting other bloggers, not websites, or social media referrals. So this 2016 review section is other bloggers whose links have brought people to my website.

 

I hope you enjoyed my 2016 Review. Here’s to an AWESOME 2017.

Community and Cliques – My Thoughts and Feelings

Sex Blogging

When I first became a sex blogger I felt like I’d joined a real community. I had blogged previously in other genres and ended up walking away because of the rivalry, back-stabbing and bitchiness that seemed to be rife. I didn’t feel like the sex blogger community was like that, everyone seemed so welcoming and friendly. I was so happy to be a part of it, I felt like I’d found home. Sometimes I still feel like that.

My realisation started at an event I attended. I’d been really excited about going, about getting to meet people in person that I’d been talking to online for months. There were two or three people there who I had met in person before so I was hopeful that I would at least have someone to talk to. I was wrong. If it hadn’t been for two people who I hadn’t met before I would have been completely miserable. As it was I left the event feeling like I wanted to give up, and walk away from sex blogging. I was talked down by a few people, and I’m glad because I love what I do. I just wish we all had the same experience of the community because it is very clear to me we do not.

Community Divisions

There are divisions in the community, and in many cases they are to be expected. There is the divide between what people write on their sites; such as reviews, or erotica, or articles. You would think they’d all be the same but you can see a definite difference in the way they are perceived, and how they interact. I think that is just the difference in personality, and there are people who straddle those different worlds. There is also a UK/US division, which I feel is more down to culture and attitude than it is any real divide. There are many US sex bloggers who I look up to, the people who to me are at the top of the game.

I think it is important to also address the issue of friendships. People might say that there aren’t cliques, there are just groups who are friends. While I acknowledge that there are those types of groups, which is to be expected when people live nearer, and are able to meet up regularly. Or who chat to each other in places other than twitter, so they are able to form true friendships. I don’t feel those groups are cliques, they are just groups of friends who support each other. Sometimes I think this support could be given with more thought to others but I understand how it happens, it is also why for some bloggers it can feel like they are being “jumped on”. I’ve felt it myself. You make a throwaway comment and suddenly five people in a friendship group are yelling at you about how wrong you are, all they’re trying to do is get across a point they feel strongly about. However, if you’re on the receiving end it can feel like you’re being shouted down. But again I see no negative intention in that, so I don’t feel that is cliquiness.

DangerousLilly recently shared a post about ‘The Blog Squad”, and until I read that post I hadn’t realised that some people felt like it was a clique. For me the blog squad was just a group of bloggers who had met in person at an event, and it was a group I hoped one day to be part of. Yes, they were friends but they also did a lot for the community and to promote bloggers. In my eyes they were championing inclusivity, and sex positivity. I didn’t realise people thought they were cliquey.

Cliques

community

I think there is occasionally some cliquiness that occurs in the community. I have experienced it. I have joined in a conversation only for my answer to be ignored while someone else repeats what I said and is hailed for it. I’ve spoken up and been shouted down. Sometimes I deal with this better than others. There is a fear in the community, I’ve had more than one person DM me to ask if I think it’s okay to tweet xxx because it differs from most people’s opinion and they’re afraid they will get “jumped on”. When this happens I encourage them to tweet, and then watch ready to defend them if necessary. Maybe that makes me part of the problem. I think even when the intention isn’t to make people feel that way, the fact that is has happened multiple times means that feeling does exist. People do feel like there are cliques.  The poll above clearly shows they do.

What Next

Maybe instead of denying the experiences some people have that make them feel cliques exist within the community we could start being kinder to each other. Many of us have some form of anxiety and/or other mental health problems, and I think we are our own worst critics, so we have a natural inclination to assume the worst. I think we all need to start assuming the best of each other, and if we’re not sure we need to ask……quietly without fuss via a DM. If they don’t follow you and you can’t send a DM, just a quick tweet asking them to follow so you CAN follow them. Echo from EchoExplores talked about Blogger love in her recent post; how despite the fact that we have our differences we all want the same thing. And how we need to unite to educate the companies we work with, to help them improve and be more receptive to what we can offer.

With the state of the World at the moment I think we all need to be a little kinder, to ourselves and to each other. Now more than ever we need to come together and support each other within the community and outside it as well.

One Year Blog Anniversary

Ok, I could have said blogiversary but it’s a terrible word (also I’m never sure how to spell it). ;p

WordPress just informed me that today is my one year anniversary. On this day in 2014 I wrote my first post. In it I talked about being a geekgirl, and how I wanted to use this blog as a place to develop myself. A safe place where I could explore who I was, and what that meant. Where I could hopefully re-find my self-confidence.

A year on I think I am doing those things, I am a work in progress and I love being here. As well as everything else I have done with this blog, the biggest thing for me was starting to write erotica. Which lead to my first story being published earlier this month in the anthology, Tie Me Up. Being a published writer is a huge deal for me. I’ve wanted to write since I first held a pencil, and knowing I am working to do what I always wanted is an amazing feeling.

The sex-blogging community is mostly very welcoming and inclusive, and I have been very lucky to become a part of it. I wouldn’t be here without;

  • Girl on the Net, whose blog (and book) introduced me to the world of sex blogging.
  • Exhibit A who encouraged my writing and blogging back at the beginning when I was still unsure.
  • Oleander whose writing always inspires me and who helped and supported me when I was unsure about my work.
  • And last but certainly not least F Dot Leonora who not only read some of my uni fiction and helped me edit it but who read my erotic story and published it in her book. Thank you.

 

I know most people make a big deal of their blog anniversaries, and I wish I had realised it was coming up so I could have planned something better but it just sort of crept up on me, and I currently have no money, so can’t afford to do a giveaway of any sort. Hopefully I will be better organised and in a better position for my two-year anniversary.

Thank you to everyone out there who reads what I write. I would write anyway for me but my followers are what makes this the experience it is.

 

Also, a special thank you to the follower who sent me the Bravissimo e-gift card. It was very much appreciated.

 

Be Kind…

Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.
Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It’s too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand.
Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.
Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.
Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love.
Neil Gaiman, 31st December 2014
This quote is from Neil Gaiman’s New Years’ blog post. It spoke to me and I just had to share it. I think it fits quite well, not just with my last post, Looking for Love, but also with many of the New Year posts I have read from bloggers I love. Such as this one from Charlie at SexBlogofSorts, this one from Jilly at LadyLaidBare, this one from Daile at KissMeOutOfDesire, this one from Jade at JadeAwaters, or this one from Charlie at CharlieInThePool.
For me the thing that all of these posts have in common is that they are open, honest, brave, and while dealing with topics (including how much of a shambles 2014 was) that in some cases are clearly difficult for the writer, they also manage to end with hope, even if it’s just a barest glimmer, it is there.
So in the words of Neil Gaiman, be kind.