Halloween Dating

Dating Advice

This dating article, Halloween Dating was written as a sponsored post but unfortunate circumstances came along and it is no longer a sponsored post. However, I enjoyed writing it so I decided to share it anyway. Hope you have fun reading it.

halloween dating

 

Halloween Dating

I used to love Halloween when I was younger (and it is still my favourite ‘holiday’). It’s my birthday so I always had parties with everyone in fancy dress, or as I got older we would put costumes on to go out. I’ve met a few people I’ve dated when on a Halloween night out, and I’ve also arranged a few first dates for the same night.

If it’s a holiday you like, I think Halloween is a great night for first date because it gives you a pretty good insight into the person. What they dress up as, if they are willing to dress up, how they react to your costume (not to mention to other people’s). If you love Halloween it can give you a good idea what they think of it.

There are a few things to take into consideration when you’re planning a Halloween date. If you want to eat many of the nicer places won’t appreciate your costume, so you may end up eating somewhere you wouldn’t normally consider for a first date. Also, many bars will be busy, this can impact things if you want to have deep and meaningful conversations all night. However, if you just want a fun night with some light “getting to know you” conversation, dancing, and lots of fun it’s a great night.

Your costume has to be chosen with care, you want to enter into the spirit, while trying to be original, and not causing offence. If you don’t want to end up looking bad:

  • Don’t glorify violence against women
  • No problematic historical figures
  • Cultures are not costumes
    • No blackface, brownface, yellowface
    • No religious garb (hijabs, bindis, etc)
    • No native headdresses
    • No gypsy related outfits
  • Gender identity is NOT a costume
  • Sexual identity is NOT a costume

You might think you’re being clever or funny but you’re not. Also, a really bad idea are costumes that resemble outfits worn by problematic groups (KKK, facists, etc). For example, if I turned up and my date was dressed as Hitler I would definitely have an issue with it, and the date would not be going any further. Another good one to avoid is anything where your face is coated with grease-paint. This is just personal preference but there is nothing worse than going in to kiss someone only to end up with a mouthful of face paint…it really does not taste good. However, you can now get the body paints that dry when applied, so they don’t smudge off when you’re kissing…these can also be great fun if you want to pick a costume that requires full body paint (think alien characters from Star Trek) because it doesn’t rub off on your clothes.

If things go well and you decide you want to take your date home, you can keep the Halloween dating spirit going with nightcap cocktails with a spooky theme. Maybe you decorated for the holiday before going out. And for a truly silly sexy twist on the holiday glow in the dark condoms, dildos, and body paint can be a lovely way to add some extra entertainment to the fun.

 

For more of my dating thoughts, click here.

Sex with No Strings

Sponsored Post

Online dating started in the 90’s but in the last ten years it has blossomed with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. However, sometimes I’m just not looking for a relationship, sometimes I just really want sex, which is when a company like Sex With No Strings is invaluable.

sex with no strings

Sex with No Strings

More people are into casual dating these days than ever before; partially due to all the different dating sites we can choose from online. This culture of hooking up with partners for fun or even brief moments of companionship is now more prevalent and people are really liking the convenience of it all. You can just go online and message people for a good time; and as long as you’re using the right site there is no reason why you can’t be successful at it. The only important thing is to make sure you and your partner set some sort of rules to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Casual dating – how to set your rules

So why should you need to set rules? It feels like a straight forwards deal: you meet up, you have a drink or two and then if all goes well you take this party somewhere else… But the reality is that we all have different preferences, especially when it comes to sex. What one enjoys doing is another one’s pet peeve, so it is important that the two of you communicate with each other. This is the big word which is at the centre of all this article: communication. Because without the saying the most basic things first; a casual encounter can go from good to being an absolute disaster.

So when do you start talking about those ‘rules’? It seems a bit dry and functional to chat people up online, only to break the conversation and say: ‘’okay, I want this but I don’t want that…’’ You’ve barely met and you’re already ordering them around, telling them what to do. The best thing is probably just to start chatting first so you can discover each other a little better. Instead of making it sound like you’re establishing rules, you can start by talking about what you enjoy doing and what you don’t like to do in bed. Then you can ask that person what they think, what they like to do. Make it part of a natural conversation rather than just being bossy; it will encourage natural communication and the two of you will be better off for it.

Rules, plans, guidelines… all those things fall into the same category when meeting someone for casual sex. It’s basically that awkward conversation you need to have before you get started. So one of the main things about sex with no strings is that some people assume it’s going to be the case of meeting / having a drink / running to the next hotel room available. However you can’t take that for granted, especially if you’re new to the whole concept of sex dating. So you’re best off having a conversation about: ‘’Hypothetically if we take this further, how would we go about it?”. Leave no stones unturned, talk about the general aspects and the details. Start with ‘where’, go to ‘what’, then move on to ‘how’.

Where: where will you go if you’re going to have sex? A hotel room? Which hotel? How much can you both afford to spend in a hotel room? Are there other alternatives? The bottom line is that location cost money, but at the same time you want to be in a room where the two of you stand on equal grounds (i.e. not your house or their house).

What: what will you do in bed? Will you sit down, talk dirty and get each other excited? Will it be full sex or just playful touch? Will it be gentle or rough? What should be done and not be done? A lot of questions, but it is worth talking about so either of you doesn’t sign up without knowing what the encounter will actually entail.

How: Who pays for the hotel room. How do you transport yourself there, maybe a taxi? Who brings the condoms, what else do you need to bring to make the encounter more comfortable and more fun? How many gadgets, toys and lubricants of sorts should you bring? Should you establish some sort of safe word in case things get too rough for either one of you? What about discretion? Do you both want to keep your escapade(s) as a secret? If so how do you go about that? Basically, it’s all in the details…

So you get the idea, and there is no way a short article could cover all the details involved in the logistics of adult dating and hooking up. But the baseline principle of communication and setting rules shouldn’t be too difficult to get your head around. Sure you’ll be feeling a little (a lot) excited when you’re going through the process of meeting a potential naughty partner, but preparing as much of it as possible in advance will give you a chance to really make the most of that encounter. As they say: ‘failing to prepare is like preparing to fail’; and no one wants to fail at something that is fun and feels so good when it’s done right.

 

 

You can read about MY dating experiences here.

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with Sex With No Strings.

 

 

Half Night Stands – In Collaboration with Flirtfair

Personal Article

My post today, Half Night Stands was written in conjunction with Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you. When they approached me asking me to write a dating article on Half Night Stands vs One Night Stands I was intrigued. I’d never heard the phrase before but it made a certain kind of sense to me. When I thought about it properly I realised I’ve had more half night stands than I have one night stands.

half night stands

Half Night Stands

I don’t know about anyone else but for me the only reason I have “the swiping app” is for sex. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a dating app as such, more an easy way to facilitate a hook-up. There’s no need to pretend it’s anything else. If I have an itch that needs scratching it is the perfect solution. It’s like having sex on tap. I can activate my profile (I don’t keep it active all the time) in the morning, and pretty much have a date for that afternoon. I’m not saying any of the guys I hook up with this way are people I can have great conversations with but when I’m doing this I’m not looking for quality chit chat. What I’m looking for is sex, not the cuddle and fall asleep afterwards kind but the fast and furious I need to get off kind.

These hook-ups are usually referred to as one night stands, even though they often don’t last a whole night. So, when I heard the term half night stand it made me smile.  There’s nothing wrong with one night stands, and sometimes I do want to be able to cuddle, fall asleep together, and then have morning sex. However, I am a terrible sleeper; I am restless, I wake up constantly, I move around, I talk, I wheeze, I have nightmares (and occasional night terrors). Throw in the anxiety of sharing a bed with a ‘new person’ and it does not go well. So for me someone who leaves after the sex is done is kind of perfect. They leave and I still get to have a good night’s sleep……well as good as I ever do. This also works well for me because I can have someone over for a session during the day while my housemates are out. This means I’m not causing them any discomfort at having a stranger in the house with them. When I’m away from home I like to have an early evening session, so I have the rest of the evening to relax before bed…or sometimes so I can go out.

The first time I had a half night stand, met up with someone purely for sex, I was very nervous. It went against so much that I had been ‘taught’ was right. Society would consider me a slut (and they would say it in a negative way), they would think I was easy, with loose morals. I still get anxious about the meeting, it still feels like I should be looking for more of a connection but I no longer care what people (or society) think of me. I don’t feel like I am good at relationships, things always seem to go wrong and I end up getting hurt. To protect myself I try to close off my emotions but I still sometimes need sex. The kind that involves human contact, I don’t want to get emotionally involved, I just want sex with someone warm and willing. As long as I am being safe I don’t see anything wrong with that. Women are just as sexual as men (despite society trying to tell us otherwise), and wanting to have sex just for pleasure is totally okay.

The first few times I arranged a half night stand I tried to be subtle about it, not really being specific, just beating around the bush as it were. I realised very quickly that it worked better if I was just upfront about it. Other than basic niceties (saying hello, etc) I didn’t want to chat. The things I felt were important (sexual health status, hard limits, soft limits, likes/dislikes) were discussed via message before we met up, and a time limit for the meet up was set. No more than three hours, agree to wear a condom (which I always provide due to latex allergy issues), and finally not just willing but enthusiastic about going down on me.

It took doing it a few times before I got into a proper rhythm, it was important to be confident about giving direction. When you have a three hour time limit, you need to be sure you are both enjoying yourself, and that you are both getting what you wanted out of the hook-up. This leads me to the really good thing about half night stands, if it’s not working for either of you it is easy to cut your losses and walk away, all you’ve lost is an hour or two at most. You don’t have to lie there unfulfilled while they fall asleep, and desperately trying to figure out how to decline morning sex without them getting mad.

I like the simplicity I find in half night stands, there is no illusion about what you are there for. There is no need to pretend you will call. No need to make small talk. Or act like you care about their plans for the future.  For me it is purely about the physical act of sex, it is about attending to an itch that my sex toy collection can’t always scratch.

I definitely prefer half night stands to one night stands, even when they don’t happen at night.

 

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

**Disclaimer – This article was commisioned by Flirtfair, the number one spot for dating in NZ and meeting the one for you.

First Time Girl – Online Dating with SwingTowns

Personal Article

Third instalment of my Online Dating series, First Time Girl, where I talk about the first time I had sex with a girl. Online dating began in the 90’s but it has blossomed in the last ten years with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. This has given me a store of tales in my library, so when I got chatting to Jay, who in 1999 founded SwingTowns, the Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network. I thought it was the perfect time to tell some of those stories I have been saving.

first time girlFirst Time Girl

It’s funny, it took someone else pointing it out for me to realise I was bisexual. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it was a thing but more that it was so far out of my range of experience the possibility never occurred to me. I knew I sometimes fancied women but I also knew I liked men, so I couldn’t be “gay”. So, when I was having a conversation with a friend, and she said “Honey, you’re bisexual.” It was a bit of a personal lightbulb moment. It just made sense to me.

For a long time, I didn’t really do anything about it, and then I met this cute girl at an event and some very PG making out happened. She asked me back to hers, and I’m embarrassed to say I panicked and declined. I didn’t know how to admit to her that I hadn’t had sex with another woman before, or even if I needed to. It was a bit of a defining moment for me, I didn’t want that to happen again.

I went online with a very specific dating plan. I needed to find a lovely lady who was willing to be partly teacher, and partly experiment. I had to word the ‘ad’ really carefully. I didn’t want a relationship I just wanted one night where I could explore this side of my personality, and take my bisexuality from a theoretical idea to a solid, yes this is me. I didn’t think it would be easy to find someone but it was actually much easier than I expected. I was very clear about what this arrangement was about, and I made sure to reinforce the idea of an easy out for either of us, as well as discussing taking it one step at a time.

We arranged to meet in a bar, to give us chance to get acquainted. We got on really well, conversation was flowing easily, and it felt comfortable. When she asked if I was ready to head out, I was happy to agree. I was fine until we got to her flat, at which point my nerves kicked in but she was totally on the ball, and in an effort to ease the pressure she asked if I fancied watching a film.

She put on The Avengers, and we sat down on the sofa together. She snuggled close and held my hand. Not long into the film, I realised she was stroking my leg. She was leaning against my shoulder, and it felt totally natural to turn my face to kiss her. We ignored the film as we made out, when she slipped her hands under my tee, I pulled it off, and she grinned as she reached around to unhook my bra. As she played with my breasts, I tugged at the hem of her shirt lifting it off. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and to me she had the most perfect small boobs. They fit perfectly in my hands, and it was easy to cover them while rubbing my thumb over her nipples.

We moved to the bedroom, and stood at opposite sides of the bed to take off the rest of our clothes. I tried not to stare while she was undressing but I wanted to look at her. I noticed the curve of her hips, the slight bump of her stomach, the lines of muscles in her legs, and when she turned I have to admit I grinned. I am a sucker for a good butt, and hers was lovely. Round and firm…and totally peachy. I did feel a bit pervy just standing there watching her, and remembered I needed to take off my own clothes. I slipped off my skirt and was about to take off my bandelettes (lacy stocking tops without stocking attached) when she spoke, “Can you leave those on?” She was sat in the bed watching me, and I smiled, pulling off my knickers and leaving the stocking tops on. I got into the bed, and she reached down, stroking them, “I love these.” She kissed me.

A few hours later, I propped myself up on one elbow watching her. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing raggedly. I bit my lip, as her breathing steadied and she opened her eyes to look at me. “How do you look so worried? That was great.” I reached out, stroking my finger in a line down her torso, and she pulled me down, hugging me before resting her head on my chest. “Everyone should have a pillow like this for the comedown.” I started giggling, and she bit my nipple making me wiggle. And then we started all over again.

The next morning, she made me coffee and toast, and we chatted about the night before. She was really lovely about it all, asking me if it was what I’d expected, and how I felt. It was funny, the more I tried to articulate my feelings the sillier it seemed that I had been so nervous about the whole thing to start with. When I left, she hugged me, and told me to keep in touch. We’ve met for drinks a few times but never had sex again. She’s kind of become one of my emotional sounding boards, especially with regards to sexual feelings. If I’m ever stuck in my head and being a bit silly, I know I can message her and she will talk me round.

I’m really glad I did it but I don’t think it will stop me being nervous in the future. I get nervous when I meet a new guy so stands to reason it would be the same with a new girl.  So, if you’re looking for people to enjoy an experience like mine, I highly recommend SwingTowns.

 

You can read more of my dating tales here.

 

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with SwingTowns, The Leading Open, Poly, Kink and Swingers Dating Social Network.

My Sex Hookups – Sponsored Guest Blog

Sponsored Post

Online dating started in the 90’s but in the last ten years it has blossomed with a variety of sites becoming available. I’ve tried it……on multiple occasions. Every so often I re-activate my accounts on dating sites, and see how things go. However, sometimes I’m just not looking for a relationship, sometimes I just really want sex, which is when a company like My Sex Hookups is invaluable.

my sex hookups

My Sex Hookups

My Sex Hookups are an online ‘dating’ company specialising in sex connections. Sex dating can really awaken your inner tiger and roll the years back. Sex dates force you out of your comfort zone and really tap into your inner animal. Thousands of years ago humans didn’t play the social dating games we play now? If there was mutual attraction, they simply had sex! Nowadays we insist on playing games and beating around the bush. Not at MySexHookups! Sex dates are fun because you know what you’re going to get at the end of it. There’s no confusion about why you are both there!

Your online dating profile, and why it should be your own

We all know Google can be our best friend, especially when it comes to finding things out. How to create a CV, how to write a covering letter… those are amongst the many things that we can look up when we don’t know what to write. It is great that we can get access to pre-made templates, letting us to fill the blanks, but that doesn’t always lead to creating something that is really personal. This is definitely the case with online dating profiles: sure you can pick up a template that everyone uses, but how exactly will this make you stand out of the crowd? Maybe it is time you do it all by yourself…

A profile is personal

The first thing, which might sound obvious, is that your dating profile should be about you, not someone else. It is not just the points that are being made but also how they are written. If you usually speak in a certain way, one can expect your writings to reflect you particular tone. So if you’re using something that someone else has written; it won’t sound like you no matter how you move the words around. Okay but a general profile means more mass appeal right? Well not exactly, those things don’t really work that way. Think about it, if everyone is writing the same thing, how to you get to distinguish between the different people. Surely not everyone is the same, and you actually want to find out who they really are. Also, a pre-made profile won’t really adapt to your needs; whether you are looking for a serious partner on Eharmony or you just want women seeking sex on My Sex Hookups or other adult dating sites.

Wrong expectations

Let’s say your language isn’t that good but your profile description is that of a scholar. People who read your profile will have certain expectations, only to be let down once they actually meet you. Consider it false advertising; it might not be intentional but people will feel like they’ve been deceived. This is not a good way to start a date; whether you’re looking for a relationship or even just a bit of adult fun. It’s not that you’re directly lying, but it can be interpreted that way. Using someone else’s pre-made template might not portray who you are and it could actually feel like you are trying to deceive people.

Templates are boring

If you’ve spent any time reading through people’s CV’s, you will appreciate that going through a whole bunch of similar sounding ones is just boring. Ultimately you’re more likely to pick up the one that stands out of the crowd. It is exactly the same thing with dating profiles. Sure the picture does play an important role in differentiating between people; but the description is ultimately the best indicator of potential compatibility. If people all sound the same, you’re only left with not much of a choice. If you want your profile to stand up, forget about how other people do it, just do it in your own way. Use your words, talk about what you think is relevant. If it really doesn’t work, you can always change and edit things until you get a good sense of what works for you.

The picture is important

As mentioned above, your profile picture will be your first distinctive feature. Of course you will want to use your best pic, but that is no good if that picture was taken ten years ago. The picture looks good okay, but your date will figure it out once they meet with you face-to-face. Your best bet if you can’t find a good recent picture of yourself is simply to get one done. Use your selfie camera, or better yet get a friend to take some pictures of you. Just dress how you usually dress, just make sure you’re happy with the photo. As long as it represents you well, then the only thing you can do is wait for people to get back to you if they find you attractive. Patience always works out in the end

 

 

You can read about my dating experiences here.

**Disclaimer – This article was written in conjunction with My Sex Hookups.