I seem to have a knack for attracting unavailable men, whether that’s because they live somewhere else, are already attached, are emotionally distant, or whatever. I seem to find them all. I’m not really sure what I’m doing wrong but the last four guys I’ve had dates or been naked with have been attached (mostly without my knowledge), the ones before that were emotionally unavailable (and abusive as well). I just have the knack of picking the guys who are only really after one thing……or who let me think they are only after one thing. My self-esteem is shocking because I seem to be the girl who needs to be hidden, we can only date in secret. No wonder I get the impression I’m only wanted if I’m naked and ‘giving it up’, but heaven forbid you introduce me to your friends or take me out to dinner and a movie.
I suppose considering this is a secret sexy blog (and twitter) I should expect that the only guys I’m going to attract are the ones who just want sex, after all I regularly share photos of me naked. But I don’t want to be the person who thinks the worst and assumes every guy is going to screw me over because that’s what has happened in the past. I want to trust, so I throw myself wholeheartedly into everything I trust even when sometimes I shouldn’t because I am so worried about being that person or about being alone forever.
I wanted to be the girl who could just have fun, lots and lots of fun; who could keep control of my emotions and just have sex whenever and with whoever I chose, who could get laid this year without worrying about christmas, or birthdays, or meeting the family, or all that baggage but it turns out it’s just not who I am. If I like you, then I like you. And if we’re having sex, my emotions are definitely going to be involved, so while giving me lots of orgasms please take care not to break my heart. It’s a fragile thing that’s been broken before and I’m not sure I can go through it all again.